43 ~ Jahanvi's messed up feelings

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“Aap yahin rukiye

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Aap yahin rukiye. Mujhe  baat karna hai aapse.”

"You stay right here. I need to talk to you."

He held my hand and stopped me from moving outside. I tried to take my hand back, but his hold was tight.

To be honest, I didn't know what I was feeling. But I was pretty sure the guilt part was dominating all my emotions. Our marriage got fixed, but I didn't feel even an ounce of happiness.

When we were alone in the hall, he moved closer from behind. My back was against his chest. He whispered in a low voice,

“Abhi bhi baat nahi karengi, Jahanvi?”

"Still not going to talk to me, Jahanvi?"

I gulped.

“Aap jitna tadap rahi hai, utna hi mai bhi tadap raha hoon, jaan.  Usse kai zyada hi, kyuki Mai aapko udaas nahi dekh sakta, aur aap jaanti hai yeh baat, fir bhi mujhse muh more khadi hain,”

"I'm hurting just as much as you are, my love. Even more so, because I can't bear to see you sad, and you know that, yet you’re still looking away from me."

My chest heaved.

He snaked his hand around my waist from behind and hugged me. Slowly, he placed a long kiss on my shoulder and whispered,

“I know what your silence means. Just tell me once that you don't want me to touch you, and I'll back off, Jahanvi.”

I stayed quiet.

He turned me around and held my chin gently, looking deeply into my eyes,

“You don't want this marriage?”

I whispered, “I d-do.”

“But you're going through a lot and you want time to deal with everything. Right?”

I nodded my head, just a little.

He smiled and stepped back. “You just had to say.”

For a minute, he just kept on looking into my eyes, and then he forwarded his hand towards me, “Let's go?”

I didn't hold his hand because I was feeling different. Very different. I just nodded my head. I know it would have hurt him, as he took his hand back and walked outside along with me.

He opened the door of his car for me, and I stepped inside to sit in the passenger seat. I heard his voice as he ordered an assistant who was already present there since he had been asked to assist us in moving our stuff to our village but the plan failed as news of my probable betrayal broke out infront of Maa-sa. “Make sure everything reaches home safely.”

“Palace, Raja-sa?”

I didn't want to move to the palace before my marriage, but they were right. Safety was necessary. And my mother's condition also made me agree.

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