The Protection Program

TPP : Chapter XXVIII

The knock on her door was sounded but she didn't pay attention to it, that was the third time this morning that Aubrey knocked on her door. The first and second time she opened it and they were just about nonsense like him wondering why she didn't come down to breakfast and if she was getting ready. She was getting ready and she wasnt hungry, simple short answers that she gave him to show that she wanted nothing to do with him. A part of her felt bad but the other didn't even care, the part that didn't care overruled the part that felt bad by a long shot because he really hurt her.

She regretted telling him that she liked him because now she felt as if he would use that against her, she didn't think he would be arrogant about her feelings towards him but her trust went straight through the front door last night. Seeing number 7 took a toll on her and the only reason why was because she thought they were building, she thought he was moving on from strippers and numbers because he wanted to build with her but yet he left her to build on her own. There was no point so she had officially given up, no more trying to impress him so she wore sweat pants and a hoodie, no more flirting and trying to open up so she brought a notebook to draw in. It got boring in the office because she had nothing to do, usually she would have played the "i say a fact about myself then its your turn" game with Aubrey but because she wasnt talking to him. Now there really wasnt anything to do.

When she walked out of the room he was standing at the bottom of the stairs as usual, he stare up at her with glory to the fact that she actually left her room. He was low key thinking about calling into work today because he wasnt to sure that Nina would come out of the room, but she wasnt that cruel, she wasnt going to make him take a day off work just so she could avoid him. She thought about it, but she wouldn't do it.

"You look cute today."

She didn't say anything, she pulled the journal closer to her chest as she walked down the steps dreading what came after she stepped off. She didn't know what he was gonna do, the part of her that said "i don't care" wanted him to turn on his heels and walk away but the part of her that said "im sorry i got upset at you, im sorry, hold me" wanted him to do just that. When he held her it was like no other feeling, she felt like she was high off in cloud 9. His arms were strong and warm, she felt protected and safe and like she was loved in every way possible. Of course he didn't love her, or so she thought, but it still felt good to think that way.

"Nina..."

She didn't look at him, she kept her gaze down at the pair of ugg boots on her feet, they were used hand me downs but they were oh-so-comfy and warm. She squeezed on to the black notebook, hugging it tight as if it were Aubrey she were hugging. She wished it was but she was not letting her guard down, she was to stubborn and to worried that she would get hurt once again in the end. So she kept that part of her to herself.

"Nina, im sorry. I should not have-"

"Can we go.... please?"

She felt bad that she cut him off in a rude manor but she couldn't help it, if she would have heard him continue with apologies she would have ended up crying again. She cried for hours last night, hours and hours and hours. She destroyed her room during the fit she had, furniture was in awkward places and positions, papers from her notebooks and journals ripped up all over the place, clothes from the closet and dresser drawers thrown around. It felt good to do it but she dreaded having to clean up. Aubrey knocked on her door a few times as well asking if she was okay, he probably heard her sobbing and cussing, he probably heard the things being thrown around as well but she didn't even care. She cried about everything that's happened in her shitty life and it felt good to let all that emotion out. It was bottled in ever since Rashad died and to let it all out felt damn good so she didn't regret it at all.

She flipped open her notebook and pulled out one of the many pencils tucked inside her hoodie pocket. It was an oversized jacket that wrapped around her small frame like a blanket, she liked that so whenever she decided to wear a hoodie, it was her go-to-one. She didn't know what to draw, she didn't know what to write so she drew what was on her mind: Aubrey.

At first it started out shitty but as the time passed she erased and resketched, edited and remade. She felt kind of weird and stalkerish about drawing a portrait of him but it was all she could think of, she wasnt great at drawing but Rashad was. He taught her a few tricks of the art world and they helped a lot, but still. She wasnt the best.

"Whatcha doin?"

She looked up from her notebook over at Aubrey who stare at her intently, she didnt know how long he had been staring but she had a feeling it had been a long time. He did that a lot, at first she hated it but then she couldn't get enough of it. he would stare at her and she would stare back, they would stare at each other and just take in all of the grandeur.

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing. You seem really focused on it."

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, his persistence was cute. She liked that he was always determined to figure something out. But she refused to tell him, she refused to talk to him or even look at him, she kept her eyes lowered as she continued to draw the man she was slowly falling for.