The Protection Program

TPP : Chapter XVII

(Caution: This chapter may be triggering to people who suffer from depression. Please do not read if you have suicidal thoughts or have issues with self harm. If you are one of those people reading this now, i love you <3)

She sit there, covered in blood. Tears streaming down her face, hair looking a mess in nothing but her under garments. She took them off so she could try to stop the bleeding but it was no use, he was dead before she could even get her jacket off. The gang scattered, they left after they busted a couple caps and now it was just her and him, mainly just her because he was gone now. She heard sirens going off in the background and police radios as they look for the criminal, she wasn't the criminal and she knew that. Everybody that was there at the scene knew that but now it was just her, and as she sit there covered in his blood with guns all beside her there wasn't much of a chance that the police would believe her. She had to get out of there but she couldn't leave, she couldn't leave him, they were together forever, inseparable and leaving him would be horrible. She put a hand to her chest where her necklace lie flat as more silent tears falls slowly, you would think she would be sobbing in pain but she wasn't. She came here tonight expecting someone to die, she just didn't expect it to be Rashad, he was the love of her life and she didn't expect to see him go.

Right in front of her eyes, he was shot. Right in front of her eyes he was taken from her and there wasn't much she could have done about it because it was gonna happen sometime. Whether it be Mad Dawg or someone from the gang, or it be one of the boys from BlackStreet, either way Rashad was on every bodies death list. The radio walky-talky sounds grew closer and closer causing her to panic a little, she stood up without letting go of his hand and began to look around, her breath grew shorter and turned to more of a hyperventilation as they began to try and push the door open. She looked down at Rashads lifeless body one more time before finally letting go. She began to run, she ran to the nearest window and climbed out before running for her life.

She let go and she ran, she ran far completely forgetting the fact that they drove a car here. She ran like she was being chased by a serial killer when in reality nobody was chasing her but the law because she made the stupid mistake of leaving all of her clothes there, not only her clothes but her cell phone. She left everything there, She left Rashad, and that was slowly beginning to kill her.

She stand in the mirror, staring at herself. She looked like a skeleton, lifeless and thin. She hadn't eaten since Rashads death and that was a week ago, she hadn't left the house, she hadn't bathed, she hadn't done anything but sit in her darkened room and cry. She stare in the mirror now and think about the past, think about what would have happened if they wouldn't have gone to the abandoned building. There would have been consequences from Buster but any consequence is better then death, nobody deserves to be killed, no matter how bad you are or what awful thing you've done. Nobody deserves to have there life taken. She looked down at the blood that filled the sinks, it was hers. She cut herself many times in the past week and she wasn't going to stop until she saw Rashad himself once again, her left hand shook with a tremor as she held the cold metal gun in her hand. She didn't move her gaze from the dirty mirror as the bathroom light flickered, it was a cheap bulb and it was bound to go out sometime. She turned on her heels before walking back into the bedroom and sitting before a camcorder, she pick up the small remote that sit beside her and press "on" causing the red light on top to flash. She swallow down and take in a deep breath

"My name is Nina Rodriguez, if you are watching this..i am dead."

There was a silence, she paused before taking in a deep breath once again. She couldn't cry on camera, she refused to let herself cry because she knew her family and friends would have to watch this.

"First i want to apologize to my mom and my dad for leaving, im so sorry. I love you both so much, i cant stop thinking about you and your all that's on my mind at the moment. Mommy, i love you. Daddy, i love you. I'm sorry."

A tear fell but she quickly wiped it away so they wouldn't be able to see it, her grip tightened on the gun handle because she didn't want to let it go. She was afraid that if she let it go she wouldn't be able to pick it up again.

"Rico... i love you, you're Rashads best friend and your like an older brother to me. I'm sorry you have to watch this as well but just know i will watch over you and the gang and protect you all. I love you all so much. Thank you for everything you have done Rico, you have brought a lot out of Rashad that im pretty positive he wouldn't have done or said if it wasn't for you. Your family and i love you."

The list went on, person after person, name after name. Apologies and i love you's. She had to pause the tape a few times so she could step away and calm down, her nerves were through the roof and she just wanted to get this all over with.

"Last but not least, i want to apologize to Rashad. Your not here but i know your watching, and just know im kicking your ass when i get up there for leaving me that night."

She laughed a little as she sniffled up, she moved a stray hair from out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"Rashad Derrick Stevens, you are my rock, my soul. You are the love of my life and this is why im doing this. You see, i cannot go on without you, i cant breathe without you because i feel like the air is being sucked from my lungs and a lump in my throat is cutting off my airways. I need you Rashad, you came into my life and i wasn't ever able to imagine it without you. Now here i am, and emotional wreckage and i cant even think straight."

Sirens grew closer and closer to her house, lights flashed in red and blue patterns in front of her house. Tears fell and this time she didn't care, she didn't even care because this was it. This was the moment where she could breathe without breathing, she could live without living and she would see the love of her life again, they could be happy forever together and that's all that mattered

"I love you all so much....... Goodbye."

She pressed off and the red button stopped flashing. The camera was off and so was she.