My Mind.

04/11/13

No.

Don't try to change me.

Don't make me.

Let me do this on my own terms.

Force is no way to do it.

I want to feel like this.

They are my feelings.

Not yours.

Sure, they might affect you.

But not like they affect me.

I'm selfish.

I know.

But trying to fix me without my full consent is selfish.

Yes, you want me to feel better.

Think better thoughts.

The thing is every human has some sort of selfish intention.

Even if it's tucked far back in the corners of their mind.

It's still there.

It's just human nature.

I've learned this over the years.

But once you figure this out you can never trust someones intentions fully.

Well at least that's how it is for me.

Behind every kind act there's some self-seeking thought.

Sometimes you don't even notice it.

I've become more aware every week.

I've caught myself in the middle of self-serving thoughts while I myself is performing selfless acts.

It's a confusing situation, really.

Disturbing in a way.

I'm being exposed more and more to humans ridiculous ways of the mind.

And I react.

Maybe not in the best way.

Exasperation.

When I'm fully aware of a hidden selfish thought.

Ignore.

I'll ignore a thought like that at times.

But that's truly even more selfish.

Humans.

We're so fucked up.

We'll despise someone, but pretend to be their friend.

Lie to someones face just to cover up our tracks.

Pretend not to care, when we care too much.

Love something exceedingly, just so you can say you have an obsession.

Hate somethings, so you can be passionate.

I mean our whole culture, behaviors, thoughts, are twisted and reversed.

All, so we can look like a better person.

So we don't look stupid.

So we look confident and knowing.

So we look strong, emotionally stable, and passionate.

All for our outer appearance.

I don't think we can even call ourselves humans anymore.

We're hardly different from animals.

When severe hatred comes in we stoop lower than animals.

LOVE.

Love is the only thing separating us from animals, and dirt.

You can never get selfishness fully out.

But it's possible to have less of it.

Just by loving someone more than yourself.