My Mind.

Letter To God

Dead God,

I dislike you. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

You're never fucking there. I ask you for help. I ask you to keep people alive, but they just die. There's this hate that's growing inside me for you. I don't want to hate you. I'm sorry, really. You just seem to be another person who has died, who has left. I've asked you to do one simple thing. I ask you to show up, but you never do. I've challenged you to show up. I know I should have, but I'm hanging from a fucking string. So this is it. I swear if another person that I love dies anytime soon, I'll be done. Completely done. Yes I know people die, but not every fucking year from fucking cancer! So fucking do something already! I'm tired of waiting. I'm done with it all. I feel like I'm just wasting my time. Please don't let someone die this year or next? I need a break. I'm in too much pain. If someone dies soon I think I'd give up completely. I would hardly be human. I'd cut to feel human again. I wouldn't eat because only living creatures need food. So if another person dies I die. I'm already at the point of looking at food and not wanting to eat. I'm forcing myself to eat. I still can't look at a knife right. Because a knife is meant to slice my skin. I still want to so badly, but I have something that's keeping me from it. Even though I ache to hurt. So I don't know maybe another person should leave. I think I deserve more pain. I shouldn't say that. It just makes me want to find a knife. But I won't not until someone dies. So God? You should let me die. Suffer. Hurt. I'm fine with that. That's what I'm worth. Nothing. Pain. I'm probably talking to no one, but at least I'm saying something right? Maybe I should just say goodbye right now. I think I'm breaking too soon. I'll stop talking. It hurts and it probably hurts you too.

<3 Alex