My Mind.

05/28/13

This overwhelming tiredness never subsides.

It refuses. 

I want to slip, let go of everything, close my eyes, and get lost.

I sleep.

Sleep forever.

I stay awake.

Awake forever. 

Sleep is my escape.

I can get lost without the taunting words of others.

I want to get lost. 

Lost in the darkness of my sleep.

The comforting darkness.

Yet sometimes I refuse to get lost in what I want.

I'll keep these tired eyes open. 

Strain them.

Sit and stare. 

Or find something to do, just to pass time.

My life is like walking up an escalator that is going down.

I go no where.

I stay in one spot. 

And I feel like this one spot will be my life forever. 

Hope.

Remember to keep the hope.

Strong.

Remember to stay strong.

But how?

I've given up already. 

I've already broken.

I've already broken others.

I break whatever I touch.

I'm numb.

I don't feel anything.

And I don't want to feel anything. 

It hurts.

Too much.

And I don't fucking know why.

Oh God, where are you?

Help me, I ask.

But where are you?

You are no where to be found.

Or maybe I'm the one that can't be found. 

I'm too lost in the darkness.

The numbness.

It leads my farther into the darkness. 

I've let go. 

But dear Lord, find me one day. 

That's all I ask of you.

Find me.

Because I'm so lost I cannot even recognize myself.