My Mind.

07/23/13

Fuck.

What the hell.

God dammit.

No.

Shut up.

Just stop.

What?

Why?

How come?

Forget it.

It's stupid.

Never mind.

Okay.

Fine.

Whatever.

It hurts.

It stings.

It aches.

I know.

No you don't.

Yes I do.

Really?

Yes.

I don't believe you.

Why?

Do you want to die?

No.

Then shut up.

Why?

It hurts too much.

I can't describe it.

I won't even try to explain.

It's pointless.

It all is.

Why live?

Why die?

Why breathe?

Why suffocate?

Why try?

Why give up?

Why drag it on?

Why let it stop?

Why remember?

Why forget?

Why you ask?

Because all I ever want is to die.

Is to suffocate.

To give up.

Let it stop.

And forget.

All I feel is pain.

All I want is pain to overcome the pain.

That's the only way.

Why?

Why do you hurt so much?

Because of the pain around me.

Because of the pain I've experienced.

People say to live everyday anew.

You have bad days and good days.

But you don't need to bring your past into every new day.

They're wrong.

The past haunts me everyday.

Every minute.

My past feelings.

Experiences.

Actions.

Lose.

Anger.

Stupidity.

Sadness.

Alone.

Judgmental.

Rejected.

All I know is pain.

All I want is pain.

That's terrible.

No.

Why?

It's normal.

I'm sorry.

Please don't be.

*Hey. Why do I still want to die? Do you want to die? Please don't die. I love you. Yes you the one fucking reading this. So don't fucking leave me. Okay? I'm sorry. I'm stupid. I'm a mess. I'm disturbing. I know you might not want me or to be here on this planet. But stay please? We'll survive together.

<3 Alex*