My Mind.

04/01/13

I'll sit and listen to music and to my thoughts.

For hours.

After three hours I drive myself crazy.

I think it worries my parents.

Sometimes I feel like I should tell them about my suicidal thoughts, just so I don't do anything stupid.

But I'm afraid they'll treat me different.

Handle me like I might break into a thousand pieces any second.

The problem with that is I'm already broken.

Or cracked severely.

Any touch will break me.

Or break me more.

If that's even possible.

So maybe I'll just keep it in.

One friend knows about it all.

And sometimes that's just too much.

Too much to handle.

Too much for her to deal with.

I feel like such a burden.

I feel so guilty.

Yet I'm aware I'm loved beyond my knowing.

But I still want to fall asleep and never wake up.

I try sleeping for long periods of time.

That just makes things so much worse.

Because I wake up.

And I have to live my life again.

That's why I sit and listen to my music and thoughts.

Avoid my school work.

Eat less food than I should.

Stay in my room for as long as I can.

Cut myself.

Stay away from other living, breathing beings.

All so I can avoid living.