My Mind.

Sanely Insane vs. Insane

So I had a question asked to me that made me really think.

What is the difference between sanely insane and insane?

To start off I am full of contradictions.

I always say one thing and say something else that might confuse previous things I've said.

It's because my emotions are never quite the same.

So I say a lot of things.

And that's how I feel at the moment.

That feeling may last just an hour or a week.

It depends.

So back to the question.

I think it has some what to do with the coping method.

I think sanely insane is thinking you're insane or that you will be soon.

But you really aren't insane.

Something is keeping you from falling.

Some sort of hope.

But when people don't have hope or can't see the hope they fall and keep falling deeper into their mind.

I feel like I went insane for a time though.

When all I could think of was killing myself, of going to sleep forever.

I was so stuck in my mind.

It was weird.

The most insane part of it all is that I didn't want to leave that place and sometimes I wish I was still there.

Why???

I have no fucking idea!

It scares the hell out of me that that's what I think.

Let me tell you those thoughts are still present.

But I'm afraid to tell anyone.

I'll just be put into more therapy and more people will try fixing me.

I'm the only one that can fix me.

I'm the only one that will allow it.

So people need to stop helping a lose cause.

*Just to tell you guys I did try ending my life a while back, but I got scared. I haven't gone back to that place of trying to end my life because it was more than terrifying. I do think about it though. I don't think I'll act on it again. I hope I don't. I've been clean for a little over a month. But this has happened before. I was clean for a month and then I broke down and hurt myself again. I don't know if that will happen again. I wanted to hurt myself so badly yesterday, but I didn't. I still do though. These problems haven't left. I've just learned to cope with them...some what. Idk how long I can cope anymore.*