My Mind.

07/02/13

Well shit it's July. June felt like it was a year long. Okay everyday feels like a year long. For a while before all my shit went down time seemed to go fast, but now it's in slow motion. It's so fucked up. I mean at the time I was happy to be alive life went by too fast. Then the times I wanted to die life went beyond slow. Ugh idek :b

Dammit.  

Why have I suddenly become such a hateful and angry person? 

Okay I have always been angry.  

But hateful? 

No. 

Now I hate everyone in some way.  

Little things set me off.  

(Example: My friends were swimming today and I didn't want to, so I was chilling out on my phone. Then one of my friends sister threw one of balls they were throwing around and chucked it at me. I got super wet and it annoyed the crap out of me! I almost screamed my head off at her.) 

This irritation that's been building up is ridiculous.  

Even my bestest friends annoy the shit out if me for no damn reason.  

I hate people. 

I hate the world.  

And I hate myself.  

Why? 

I have no fucking idea.  

I'm debating on locking myself up in my room again just so I don't have to see anyone.  

But I know that will scary everyone.  

Everyone will worry more.  

I fucking hate that so many people worry about me.  

It's annoying.  

I just want to stab all the annoyingness out of them. (totally kidding) 

I know they love me, but I have friends with some "issues" I worry about them of course, but I don't get up all in their shit and try to fix them! 

God damn it! 

People need to get it in their thick skulls that no one is fixable.  

Everyone will always be broken in one way or another.  

Sometimes they'll be more broken than other times.  

So stop.  

Don't every try to fix someone.  

Because that simply translates to "You're a problem, and you need to be fixed."  

You might as well say "Go die." 

Just don't.  

Okay?  

Yeah you probably are doing it out of love and concern, but leave it.  

Yeah offer help, but do not force it.  

Stop giving advice and saying you understand when you have gone through nothing like me.  

Of course I'll take advice from people who have gone through the same things as me, but people who have had almost perfect lives? 

Hell no.  

Only give advice when it's asked. 

That's what I try to do.  

Offer it? Sure.  

But if it's refused don't push it.

(Sorry for that rant. Back on topic.)

I can't wait till I can move away out on my own.  

I can't wait to move to a town I know no one.  

I can't wait to be able to go somewhere and not have to worry about seeing people or talking to people I know.  

Yes, when I move away I'll probably make friends.  

And hopefully they'll be like me.  

I love my friends don't get me wrong, but I want a fresh start so badly it hurts.  

I think that's what I need.  

A new life or a new of what surrounds me.  

But of course I have to wait at least two more years.