My Mind.

05/11/13

*CAUTION: May be triggering*

I don't even know anymore.

I keep pushing every emotion I have, down further and further.

I'm thinking this is probably not a very good thing.

I was laying awake the other night and some dark emotions started to arise for some damned reason.

I couldn't handle them, so I relapsed.

Now I have new cuts.

I had been clean for a month.

I forgot how good it feels to take a cold blade to my skin.

I smiled to myself as I slit my desperate skin.

I smiled, why?

Because, it's something I know, something that has been there to comfort me, to control my emotions.

It is so easy to go back to something that is known. 

Even if it'll be the thing that will screw you over the most.

After I cut, this time I didn't regret it.

Which is a very new feeling.

It's a bit startling, yet comforting.

It's just all disturbing, but I like this kind of disturbing.