Your Lies | Choi San

Chapter 41

San stared at the blank screen of his phone, the silence in the room thick and suffocating. His hand trembled slightly as he set the phone down on the edge of the table. He leaned back in his chair, his head tilting to the ceiling.

For the first time since he made the decision to leave, doubt began to creep into his mind. He was convinced that this was necessary for her, for both of them. But the sound of her broken sobs on the phone had unraveled every justification he had clung to.

San's jaw tightened as he stared out the window, his reflection barely visible in the dark glass. He had never imagined that he'd go through with this, but there he was, far from home. He desperately hoped inside that he hadn't made this choice out of a fit of anger, but to fix things. But after hearing her voice, he seemed to suddenly be unsure.

His thoughts turned back to her last words on the phone. A part of him wanted to argue, to rationalize that this wasn't leaving, he was simply stepping back to rebuild. But that sounded hollow even in his own head. She wasn't wrong, he had left.

San ran his hand through his hair, letting out a deep exhale as his mind spiraled. He thought about calling her back, but what would he even say? Another apology? More promises? They were just useless words now.

He stood abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor. Pacing the room, he caught a glimpse of his half-packed suitcase by the door. He hadn't even finished since part of him had resisted unpacking the rest. It would feel too real then, as if it'd bind him to this place.

San sat on the edge of the bed, his head dropping into his hands. His chest ached in a way he hadn't expected, or maybe he didn't imagine he'd make it this far through. He thought about all the things he couldn't say to her, all the feelings he couldn't put into words. But his voice was probably the last thing she wanted to hear now, and that was justified.

He grabbed the phone again, hesitating as his thumb hovered over her name in his call log. His grip tightened, and he set it down once more. There was nothing he could say right now that would make this better anyway.

San stayed like that for hours, sitting in the dim light of his apartment, wrestling with the choices he'd made and the ones he hadn't. He didn't sleep, he couldn't even if he wanted to. So he sat there, staring at Leo's shirt he had accidentally packed along. He felt torn between finishing what he started and the small, insistent voice in the back of his mind telling him to just run to her arms again.

He didn't know when he had fallen asleep, but he knew it must've been late then. He woke up with a headache the next morning due to the lack of sleep, or the sudden stress, and maybe both. It felt as if his body weighed twice as much when he tried to sit up. He ignored it anyway, lazily removing himself from the bed.

He walked into his new office building with a heavy weight pressing on his chest. He couldn't even take the time to appreciate his new surroundings, since his mind seemed to be focused on only one thing.

He couldn't shake the feeling that everything was slipping through his fingers, everything with Leo. He had tried to keep his thoughts solely on his work, but it was of no use. His mind kept drifting back to her, her tears that he longed to wipe away from her eyes. He missed her, but he couldn't bring himself to reach out. It was definitely too soon, too complicated, and part of him was still stubbornly upset, though he wasn't sure who he was upset with anymore.

When he entered his new office, his gaze briefly swept over the desks with unfamiliar faces around. His heart skipped a painful beat when he saw Evelyn sitting in her new spot, the manager's seat. He knew she was going to be here, but not in here with him. There was still a cold distance between him and Evelyn that he'd like to ignore, in fact he wished he didn't have to acknowledge her. Her presence now served as a constant reminder of the unresolved mess he had walked away from.

But she stood up the moment she saw him, "they told me you'd be here. I just couldn't believe it." She held a straight face

He mumbled an excuse me, ignoring her words and sat on the desk that held his name, placing his bag on the desk.

She heaved a long sigh, "this is San, the new team leader. If you have any questions he'll gladly help." She spoke for him

San focused on the work in front of him, burying himself in the reports and the tasks he'd been given already. But it was hard with Evelyn's lingering eyes on him. There was a quiet tension hanging between them that he wished he could erase.

He grabbed his coffee from the common area, giving himself a much needed break after what seemed to feel like hours. When he returned to his desk, Evelyn was there, standing in front of him. The others had left home already, but he seemed to avoid it. Evelyn's usual composed demeanor was now slightly brittle, the unspoken words between them heavier than ever.

He had to hold back a groan.

"Do you need something?" He raised a brow

"San," she said, her voice firm, "I'm not sure what you're doing here, but quit acting like it was my fault."

San froze, his grip tightening on his coffee cup. He didn't want to engage, didn't want to get drawn into another conversation about Leo, about what happened. He had enough on his mind.

"It wasn't your fault. Now excuse me, I need to get back to work," he said, his voice cold, trying to keep his composure. He didn't want to give her any more of his energy.

Evelyn hesitated, her eyes flickering with something unreadable. She seemed to think over his response for a moment before speaking again, this time with a quieter, more measured tone. "I'm sorry for telling her, I didn't think it would cause much of a problem."

San's chest tightened. He shook his head slightly, trying to dismiss her words. That part was his fault.

"It wasn't your fault Evelyn," San repeated

Evelyn held a confused expression, but she didn't push further. Instead, she nodded, hoping the air between them was now somewhat cleared.

"I know it's not the best time to say this," she began, her voice softening, "but I hope you don't stay like this."

San felt a lump form in his throat. He knew what she meant. One look down at his messy shirt, and his missing tie said everything.

She finally turned away and headed back to her desk, making San sigh in relief. Her presence was simply suffocating.

He finally stood up and began packing his papers away. He preferred the silence of his house to this. Evelyn's eyes watched as he left the office, but she didn't pry further. She could only wonder how on Earth was he here alone, without his wife by his side.