Number Five Imagines

A Chaotic Valentine's Day

Five Hargreeves x reader

A/N: surprise surprise, I thought we all need a little five x Y/n oneshot for Valentine's Day. At the moment I'm writing a lot to distract myself from the thing with my mom (the results are still not there and it's driving me crazy) I hope you all have a nice Valentine's Day

Warnings: none

Five prided himself on being a man of precision. He could calculate time jumps down to the millisecond, predict his enemies' moves before they made them, and assassinate a target without breaking a sweat. But planning the perfect Valentine's Day for his wife, Y/n? That was a whole different battlefield.

This year, he had done everything right. He had secretly booked a table at Y/n's favorite restaurant—a place so exclusive that people fought tooth and nail for a reservation. He had even bribed the host to give them the best seat in the house, right by the candlelit window with a view of the city skyline. He had ordered her favorite wine, arranged for a bouquet of her favorite flowers to be waiting at the table, and, for once in his life, even worn something other than his usual suit.

This was going to be perfect.

Or at least, that's what he had planned.

"Five, are you seriously wearing that?" Y/n raised an eyebrow as she stepped out of their bedroom, looking stunning in a sleek red dress.

Five glanced down at himself. "What? It's a suit."

Y/n folded her arms. "It's the same damn suit you wear almost every day."

"It's my best suit," he defended. "It has sentimental value."

Y/n rolled her eyes before sauntering over and adjusting his tie. "It's Valentine's Day. Live a little. I bought you something for tonight."

Five narrowed his eyes. "Should I be worried?"

Y/n disappeared into the closet and returned with a burgundy button-up shirt and a black blazer. Five looked at the outfit like it had personally offended him.

"Absolutely not."

"Five."

"No."

Y/n gave him The Look. The one that could level entire armies. The one that made even the most hardened assassin reconsider his life choices.

Five sighed heavily, snatched the shirt from her hands, and muttered, "Fine. But if I die of embarrassment, my blood is on your hands."

With Five reluctantly dressed in his "fancy" outfit, they headed outside to wait for their Uber. Unfortunately, the first car canceled. The second driver arrived, took one look at Five's face, and immediately sped off.

"What the hell was that about?" Five muttered.

Y/n barely held back a laugh. "Maybe he saw your murder face and got scared."

Five scowled. "I do not have a murder face."

"Baby, you look like you're constantly plotting someone's demise," Y/n teased, poking his cheek.

After much waiting, their third Uber finally arrived. Their driver, an overly chatty man named Gary, spent the entire ride talking about his failed marriage while swerving between lanes like he was training for the Indy 500.

Five clenched the armrest. "If this idiot kills us before I get to eat my steak, I swear to God—"

Y/n just laughed. "Relax, Five. It's Valentine's Day. Maybe Gary here just needs some love advice."

"Divorce is a scam!" Gary declared as they pulled up to the restaurant. "Love is an illusion!"

"Charming," Five muttered before throwing cash at him and getting out of the car.

They walked into the restaurant, the aroma of freshly baked bread and seared steak filling the air. Five smirked. Everything was going exactly to plan.

Until the hostess looked at him with a confused expression.

"Uh, sir? We don't have a reservation under that name."

Five's eye twitched. "Check again. Five Hargreeves. Best table in the house."

She typed into her tablet. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing here under that name."

Y/n sighed. "Five, please tell me you didn't forget to confirm the reservation."

Five scoffed. "Of course not! I explicitly confirmed it. Twice!"

The hostess winced. "Oh. Um... it looks like someone canceled it this afternoon."

Five clenched his fists. "Who canceled it?"

"It says here... a Mr. Klaus Hargreeves."

Silence.

Y/n covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. Five, on the other hand, looked like he was about to commit an act of violence.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Okay, okay, let's not murder your brother on Valentine's Day," Y/n said, patting his chest.

"Why would Klaus cancel my reservation?!" Five fumed.

"Because I may have mentioned it to him, and he may have said something about how you were 'getting soft' and that we can spend Valentine's Day with the family.'"

Five inhaled sharply. "I swear to everything, I am going to beat him senseless."

"Let's just find another restaurant," Y/n suggested.

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. But this is not over."

After several failed attempts to find another fancy restaurant with an open table, they ended up at a 24-hour diner that smelled like burnt coffee and fried grease.

Five sighed as he grabbed his Sandwich. "This is not how I envisioned tonight going."

Y/n grinned, resting her chin on her hand. "Oh, come on. A romantic dinner under flickering fluorescent lights, the distant sound of someone screaming at the cook... it's perfect."

Five snorted despite himself.

Y/n reached across the table, taking his hand. "Honestly? I don't care where we eat, as long as it's with you."

Five glanced at her, his usual scowl softening. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she said, squeezing his hand. "Besides, this is our kind of perfect—chaotic, unpredictable, and a little dangerous. Just like us."

Five exhaled, shaking his head. "You're impossible."

Y/n smirked. "And you love me for it."

Five tilted his head, pretending to think. "That's still up for debate."

Y/n threw a sugar packet at him.

With a rare, genuine smile, Five lifted his coffee cup. "Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs. Hargreeves."

Y/n lifted hers in return. "Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. Grumpy Assassin."

And despite all the disasters, the chaos, and Klaus eventual death wish when Five got his hands on him, it turned out to be one of the best Valentine's Days yet.