Number Five Imagines

A Hair-Raising Experience

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Warnings: none

Five Hargreeves was many things: a former assassin, a time-traveler, a seasoned survivor of apocalypses. But a hairdresser? That was a stretch.

Yet here he was, scissors in hand, staring at his wife Y/n with a look that blended confidence with mild panic. Y/n, sitting on a chair in their bathroom, looked up at him with a mixture of trust and fear.

"All the salons are closed," she said, twisting a lock of her hair nervously. "I just need a trim, Five. How hard can it be?"

Five swallowed, steeling himself. "Piece of cake. I've tackled tougher jobs than this."

He combed through her hair, trying to channel every memory he had of watching people get haircuts. Y/n closed her eyes, and Five took a deep breath, bringing the scissors to the first section of hair.

Snip.

"See? Not bad," he said, more to convince himself than Y/n.

Y/n, eyes still closed, smiled. "I trust you. Just... not too short, okay?"

Five nodded, focusing intently. The problem was, with each snip, he noticed something that needed evening out. A little here, a little there, and soon he was in over his head.

"What do you think?" Five asked, stepping back to admire his handiwork.

Y/n opened her eyes and looked in the mirror. Her expression shifted from cautious optimism to sheer horror. "Five! What did you do?"

Five winced. "I... may have overestimated my abilities."

Y/n's once even, shoulder-length hair was now a choppy, lopsided mess. One side was significantly shorter than the other, and there were random, uneven chunks missing.

"Oh my god, I look like a demented hedgehog," she said, her voice a mixture of laughter and panic.

Five put the scissors down, raising his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I see the problem. I can fix it."

Y/n eyed him skeptically. "You're not touching my hair again."

A frantic call to a 24-hour hair salon later, they were driving through the city, Y/n wearing a baseball cap to hide the disaster. Five sat next to her, muttering apologies and trying to stifle his nervous laughter.

At the salon, the hairdresser took one look at Y/n and raised an eyebrow. "Tough week?"

Y/n pointed at Five. "My husband decided to play stylist."

The hairdresser gave Five a knowing smile. "Ah, the classic 'husband haircut.' Seen a few of those."

As Y/n sat in the chair, Five hovered nearby, wincing at the critical assessment of his work. The hairdresser, a woman with bright purple hair and an array of tattoos, shook her head in amusement.

"Well, let's see what we can do here," she said, running her fingers through Y/n's hair. "Your husband's given you a very... unique look."

Y/n shot Five a mock glare. "Unique is one way to put it."

The hairdresser snipped away, skillfully transforming the chaos into a stylish, albeit shorter, haircut. Y/n watched in the mirror, relief flooding her features as the damage was undone.

"See? It's fixable," the hairdresser said with a grin, stepping back to show the finished product.

Y/n smiled, feeling the now even, sleek bob. "Thank you. You're a lifesaver."

Five sighed in relief. "Thank you for saving me from sleeping on the couch."

On the drive home, Y/n couldn't help but laugh at the whole ordeal. "You know, you were so confident."

Five chuckled, shaking his head. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry, Y/n. I really thought I could handle it."

Y/n reached over, squeezing his hand. "You did your best. It's kind of sweet, actually. Just... no more haircuts, okay?"

Five grinned, a mixture of sheepishness and affection in his eyes. "Deal. From now on, we leave haircuts to the professionals."

Back home, with Y/n's hair restored to its former glory, the incident became a new inside joke. They shared a bottle of wine, toasting to their survival of yet another Hargreeves misadventure.

And though Five may have failed as a hairdresser, he succeeded in proving, once again, that even in the most comical disasters, their love and laughter would always see them through.