We are...คือเรารักกัน (We are... we are in love)

Chapter 71: Once... When We Loved Each Other

[*This chapter hasn't been proofread.]

Today, I woke up earlier than usual. To be precise, I got out of bed early because I didn't sleep at all last night. The image of Phum's mother crying, the picture of her pleading with tears in her eyes, his father's voice telling me to sever ties with Phum—these images kept spinning in my head, but none of them were as vivid as Phum's face when he said he would wait for me to come back.

Although I wanted to be stubborn and keep fighting, what would be the point if Phum were to lose his family? Can we still hold hands and wholeheartedly say that our love is beautiful if there are people crying and hurt because of this? If Phum must be hurt, I'd rather him hurt because of disappointment than to suffer for the rest of his life because of guilt.

Before leaving the house, I wrote a note and sticked  it on the door of Aunt Pui's room because I was afraid she'd wake up and be alarmed, wondering where I had gone. I let out a long sigh as I stepped out of the house, hoping it would ease the heavy feeling in my chest. I looked up at the sky, and this morning, the sky wasn't clear. It was gloomy, with dark clouds gathering as if it was about to rain soon.

Even the sky is sad, just like me.

I chose to walk aimlessly until I reached the bus stop. I passed the soy milk shop and the grilled pork skewer shop near the stop. There were only a few people waiting for the bus, probably because it was Saturday morning. I didn't often get to experience Bangkok's morning atmosphere since being with Phum, because by the time we woke up and got to the university, the sun was already high in the sky. It felt a bit strange to see it now.

I stood waiting for the bus, feeling tired and worn out, like my heart was weary, and it made my body feel weak as well. I got on the bus and looked for a seat. On mornings like this, there were plenty of vacant seats, no need to fight or squeeze with anyone. I chose a single seat, ready with my money for the bus conductor.

Getting on the bus reminded me of the day Phum and I took the bus to Chan's house together. He wouldn't let anyone come near me, and he made me embarrassed in front of a crowd. Phum really loves me, you know? He cares about me in every little thing. He is so jealous, so possessive.

Phum is selfish and sulky, but no matter what, I love everything about him that made him Phum. The truth is, Phum is gentle. His hands are warm, his embrace is warm, and his smile makes me want to smile along with him. The love Phum gives me is the best thing in my life, and just thinking about him makes me smile, even if it's a smile tinged with sadness. But I could still smile because of Phum.
Phum will always be my smile.

I looked up at the sky again through the clear glass as little raindrops began to fall and cling to the window. I instinctively hugged myself, feeling cold even though the rain hadn't touched me at all. It was the fear, the anxiety, and the pain mixing within me. The person I love is waiting for me. My lover, who is unwell, gave up his family and everything for the sake of love, just to be with me.

But now, I am going to meet Phum to return him to his family. I will give him back to his father and make his mother stop crying. Even though what I'm about to do might kill both of us, I really have no other choice. Just thinking that in just a few hours, Phum and I will have to become nothing more than friends makes me struggle to breathe. The tightness in my chest hurts so much that I have to curl up and clutch at it. It's a sharp, piercing pain, as if something is stomping on my heart.

I blinked repeatedly, feeling pain in my eyes because I was holding something back. I stood up when we neared my stop. It was strange how, when we want time to pass quickly, it drags on slowly, but when we want to slow down time, it slips away so fast. Even though I wanted to stretch out time and make the distance longer, in the end, I could only accept the reality that time cares about anyone's feelings.