We are...คือเรารักกัน (We are... we are in love)

Chapter 74: Just Open Your Heart... And You'll Understand

[T/n: Oh it seems like so many people think Peem, uh, dissolved into sea foam. Oh come on, this is a funny lighthearted story. In fact, the first time I read this part, I laughed so hard. If the author had dared to do it with Peem, Phum would have killed her first, then killed himself. End of story.]
*This chapter hasn't been proofread.

Khaofang's POV

It's been nearly a month since Phum and I returned home. It's been a month that I've had to be away from my lover, away from Tan, to take on the role of an older brother. An awful older brother who can only watch as my younger brother slowly fades away. Since the day Peem left Phum, since the day they broke up, my brother became nothing but a hollow shell, a body that just existed. Phum is no different from a disabled person—though his body is still intact, it feels like his heart died.

Phum doesn't throw tantrums, doesn't drink alcohol, doesn't break things. If only he were like that, it would be better. At least it would show he's still alive. But Phum doesn't speak to anyone, not even to our parents. Phum doesn't resist; he only answers in short, quiet words. He refuses to eat, and he's constantly in and out of the hospital. The other day, Phum's gastritis flared up, and my brother vomited until he went into shock and passed out right in front of me.

I don't know how many times I've had to cry alone, feeling sorry for my younger brother. I don't know how many times I've stared at Phum's face, and tears just fall. I don't know what to do next. My mind feels blank. I don't know how to help, and just being away from Tan already hurts enough. Seeing my brother like this just makes everything worse. I want to help Phum, but I can't do anything. I tried reaching out to Oat, but his workplace said he was away on a trip in Khao Yai and wouldn't be back for a while.

I'm not the only one suffering. Everyone is hurting. Every night when I walk past my parents' room, I can hear my mother crying. Sometimes she stands outside Phum's room, silently crying and whispering nothing but apologies. What shook me the most is that I recently found out that my father had been taking sleeping pills. No matter how stressed he was with work, he never relied on sleeping pills before.

My father had never seemed absent-minded, but recently, he's been like someone who isn't fully there. He's lost weight. I still remember the day Por found out about Phum. He called me into his room.

"Why aren't you taking care of your brother, Fang?"

"......" I didn't know how to answer. I could only hang my head and squeeze my hands until they turned pale.

"Answer me, Khaofang. Why did you let your brother go down this path?"

"I'm sorry." I'm sorry for disappointing him. I'm sorry for making Mae cry every night. I'm sorry, Phum. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry for being selfish and scared and not being able to tell you that I'm not any better than you.

"I've done everything for you kids, you know that, right?"

"Yes, Por."

"From now on, take care of your brother. Make sure he's a good kid. Don't disappoint me."

"...Yes, Por."

My father wrapped his arms around me, and I tried to muster up the strength to return the hug. I buried my face in his shoulder. I've never been angry at my dad for not having enough time for us. I've never been angry at him for prioritizing work over us, even on our birthdays, when he would turn our celebrations into business meetings. Because I know that everything he does, he does for our family. He works hard for us. I'm just angry at myself because I don't feel warmth from him anymore. I'm angry at myself because his embrace feels cold, and it scares me.