Girls Love Beyoncé

67

BEYONCÉ KNOWLES

I hadn't thought about her in weeks.

Or at least that's what I kept telling myself.

Mr. Muhammed said I was stabilizing. He used that word like it was supposed to mean something. He said it softly, the way therapists do—like it was a sign of progress.

"You're not spiraling anymore, Beyoncé," he'd told me. "But you're holding too much in. We still haven't talked about her."

And we hadn't.

Because I couldn't. Not without unraveling.

I had kept my promise—I'd started therapy again, I was showing up, I was trying. I journaled. I ate real food. I even took OJ on long walks again. But when he said her name, or even hinted at her, I'd tense up like a wire pulled too tight. So I'd change the subject. I'd ask about breathing exercises. Or we'd talk about school. About returning to the life I left behind.

Because I was going back. Tomorrow.

First day back at school since the mess in New York. Since the worst version of me had to pack my life in a suitcase and leave in the middle of the night. I wasn't the same person I was when I left. I didn't even feel like Beyoncé anymore.

Just... a girl trying not to drown.

But today wasn't about that. Today was about showing up.

I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom, OJ curled up on the bed behind me. My hair was up in a curly puff, a few loose pieces falling around my face. I wore a cozy gray crewneck and black high-waisted jeans. Simple, warm, and safe.

The weather had finally shifted in Houston—one of those crisp autumn evenings where the sky turned darker a little earlier, and you could smell the change in the air. Halloween was only a week away.

I grabbed my small purse and double-checked the time on my phone. No new messages. No missed calls. Not from her. I let out a long breath and gave myself one last look in the mirror before heading out.

⸻

The restaurant was one of those trendy spots downtown that Kelly loved dim lights, wood tables, moody playlists humming overhead. I spotted them instantly.

Jack stood first, waving me over like I hadn't seen them in years. In a way, I hadn't.

"Look who's alive!" he called, grinning as he pulled my chair out like a gentleman.

Normani gave me a huge hug, her arms around me tight. Kelly followed with her usual dramatic squeal.

"You look so good. How come when you disappear and come back you always are glowing?'"

"I tried," I said with a soft laugh, sliding into the seat between Kelly and Solana. "I've missed y'all."

Frank raised his glass, smiling at me. "We missed you too, B. Welcome back."

Solana nodded, her arm resting casually over the back of her chair. "For real. Group chats have been dry without you. I couldn't keep roasting them all by myself."

I smiled, warmth blooming in my chest. This—this moment—was what I'd needed. Just my people, filling in the spaces that'd gone cold while I was gone.

"Okay, okay," I said, giving them all a look. "Now tell me what I missed. Y'all better not have gotten boring while I was in exile."

"Oh, girl, where do we start?" Normani giggled, tucking her hair behind her ear.