Girls Love Beyoncé

76

THIRD POINT OF VIEW

Beyoncé couldn't breathe, her tears falling down her face as she heaved.

"Beyoncé, calm down," her uncle tried, but she couldn't stop no matter what they said. She was having a full-blown panic attack.

"Wasn't that Onika? Why was your mom acting like that?" her aunt asked, which only made Beyoncé cry harder.

"She called her a bitch. I don't think they're cool no more," another cousin said.

"But didn't Beyoncé hug her?" Everyone had questions, but no one could get answers. Both of Tina's children were bawling their eyes out.

"Solange, take a deep breath," Kelly coached, trying to calm the little girl. Solange was upset at her mom wanting to spend more time with Onika — and even more mad that Beyoncé was crying.

"That girl is crazy. Calling me out my damn name. Ruining my daughter's life." The front door slammed as Tina walked inside, anger all over her face.

"Nika didn't do anything!" Solange shouted angrily.

Tina raised an eyebrow. "Who do you think you're talking to, little girl? You do not know the real Onika. You are a child, Solange — stay in a child's place." She was completely done with everyone. She looked over at Beyoncé, who was still crying, completely disappointed.

"And for you to hug that girl? After what she did to you? You should be ashamed of yourself," Tina sighed.

"I'm sorry," Beyoncé mumbled, trying to wipe her tears, but it didn't work. Solange came over, hugging her sister as they both cried.

"Honestly, everybody make your plates and head out. I'm sorry, I can't tonight," Tina announced.

No one disagreed — clearly, the energy was high, and everyone needed a breather.

"Come on," Kelly said, pulling Beyoncé and Solange toward the stairs. They all went into Beyoncé's room. Both girls were still crying as Kelly just watched them.

"Messing up my makeup." Solange frowned going into the bathroom and shutting the door.

"Bey, I thought you were moving on?" Kelly asked softly, squatting in front of her friend.

"I was trying to heal, not move on. I've been doing things for me — taking care of myself, putting my best foot forward... trying to breathe again. But that doesn't mean I don't still love her.

I rushed into Zahir so damn fast... rushed into leaving so fast... and it's like no matter what I do, I can't pull her out of me. I still love her, and I'm tired of pretending I don't. God, it's so hard." She rubbed her face, her voice breaking.

"I see her and I still get butterflies. No matter the shit she does, it's still her. When I think about her... it's not the Onika everybody sees now. I remember the Onika who listened to me ramble about books for hours. The Onika who called me beautiful even when I had braces and hated my smile. The Onika who made sure I had most of the blanket when we cuddled, even if she ended up freezing.

I don't like her choices — God knows I hate them. And I hate that I can't stop her from going deeper into this shit. But I love her. And just because I love her doesn't mean I'm gonna be stupid enough to let her keep breaking my heart. That I can't do anymore.

But I also can't sit here and act like she wasn't my whole world. Because she was. And part of me still wishes... I don't even know." Her voice cracked, tears spilling over again.

"I'm so damn tired of fighting with myself about her."

"So stop. No one's forcing you not to love her," Kelly said gently.