titanium - glee

sixty - six ; dancing through life

"I want to start our meeting off by congratulating you on the musical last week, Rosy. Your performance was beautiful."

Once again, Rosy had found herself sitting across from Ms. Pillsbury in her office, scanning the titles of the pamphlets decorating the front of her desk. Although Rosy wasn't ready to admit it to Ms. Pillsbury or herself yet, she had been walking around the guidance counselor's office, waiting for Emma to invite her in. The thought of trying to fix her problems with a guidance counselor still made her skin crawl slightly, but Rosy was stubborn, and she hadn't forgotten Finn's insinuation of her being a quitter. She refused to let him be right about that.

"Thank you," Rosy responded shortly, avoiding Emma's eyes. She had started calling the guidance counselor by her first name in her head, to try and trick herself into trusting her more. She couldn't tell if it was working yet.

"How did it feel, performing in front of an audience like that?" Emma asked, and Rosy hesitated.

"It was good, I thought I would be nervous, especially because..." She trailed off slightly, but Emma had caught on to the end of her sentence.

"Because...because there was an unexpected person in the audience?" Emma asked, and Rosy met her careful stare. Here it was, the mention of Luke that Rosy had been dreading. Either she stood her ground and proved she wasn't as much of a coward as Finn had insinuated she was, or she did what she always did. She ran.

"Because Luke was there," Rosy said finally, and saying his name felt like setting the timer on a bomb, only she didn't know how long she had until it detonated.

"I assume you hadn't wanted him there," Emma said, and Rosy nodded.

"Of course I didn't, I never wanted to see him again. And especially that night, with Sam and everything," Rosy said, and Emma nodded slowly.

"I know things haven't always been the easiest between the three of you," Emma said, and Rosy scoffed.

"That's the understatement of the century, they're like Tina and me on crack. And I felt bad because I know seeing me like that with Sam hurt him, even though it was just acting, but shouldn't I want that? Shouldn't I want to hurt him?" Rosy asked, surprised by the vulnerability in her voice. She wasn't sure when the switch had flipped from holding everything back to being so open, and it scared her.

"Rosy, just because someone hurt you, that doesn't mean you stop loving them," Emma said gently, and Rosy frowned, hating the lump that had formed in her throat.

"But I should," Rosy said firmly.

"It's not that simple. You can want them out of your life because that's what's best for you, but you need to show yourself some more empathy and understanding. You wouldn't have loved him in the first place if it was going to be easy to let him go, and if you never give yourself that grace, will you ever truly let him go?" Emma asked, and her words hit Rosy like a blow in the chest. It was scary how applicable they were to multiple relationships in her life, relationships that she wasn't ready to speak about.

She may have made some strides, but her stamina could only take her so far.

"I think I need to sit with my thoughts for a bit, if that's okay," Rosy said carefully, not wanting to end their meeting as rudely and abruptly as she'd ended their last one.

"Of course, that's okay, Rosy. You can take as much time as you need, I'm always here when you're willing to talk," Emma said kindly, and Rosy managed a smile and a nod before standing up and leaving the guidance counselor's office.

｡.☆.｡

Rosy was determined not to let her new bad habits stick, so, rather than isolate herself and shut others out in order to deal with her feelings, she decided to do what Rosy two years ago would have done. She went to seek comfort.