Snowflakes Fall and So Did I

~CHAPTER 82~

~Astrid~

It's been three weeks since Heather dropped that major bomb on me. I've had my eyes on her like a hawk whenever I can, and she's very well aware of it. We've made eye contact too many times to count. I keep expecting her to confront me about everything; to ask if I'm doing okay. Because, truly, I'm not, and I think the bags under my eyes are proof of that. I've been constantly going back and forth on what to do with the information Heather told me. It keeps me up at night.

I can't even focus on my studying. The only time that has ever happened was when I first started developing feelings for Hiccup. It was because of him plaguing my mind that I realized my feelings for him went deeper than friendship. And yes, even after becoming official, I would still be distracted with thoughts of him and his lips and his warmth, but the thoughts had calmed down some after we sealed the deal.

But now here I am again with thoughts I'd rather not have. Way more than the thoughts of crushing on my best friend's cousin.

Heather wants me to do nothing, and a part of me feels I shouldn't, but another part refuses to sit back and not help Elsa. I've been watching her every move, too. Well...I'm trying to. With her being two grades above me, it's hard to keep track of her during the day. It's even harder when we are together and I have to act like I don't know the fucked up shit that involves her. I want to tell her so bad, but I'm so afraid of making it worse.

I've always hated the nickname 'Fearless Astrid Hofferson' because it implies that I don't feel fear at all, but I have. So many times. I've only taken it on because the praise and adoration do make me feel good–I won't lie, I do like it a lot–but fuck is it hard to be fearless sometimes.

And I want so badly to live up to it; to not feel fear at all.

Because in a situation like mine, my fear is causing immense indecision.

And something needs to be decided.

Something needs to be done.

"Helloooo," Merida's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I see her wave a hand in front of my face, "Earth to Astrid? Are you still with me?"

I swat her hand away. "Unfortunately, you brought me back." I joke, because truly, I'm glad to be out of my head. "Were you saying something?"

"I was saying that once I feel forgotten, that I'm going to dip out," Merida says, dead serious. "I know Valentine's Day isn't just for couples, but that's like, a new age kind of change. For years, it's been for couples, and couples still steer the wheel with this holiday. Therefore, once everyone starts swapping spit, I am gone."

"You know," I smirk, a certain boy in our grade on my mind. "You could always swap spit with a certain blonde."

Merida's eyes widen, and she gasps, all pretend. "Astrid! Shame on you; you're dating my cousin!"

I roll my eyes at her silliness. "Ha ha, you're hilarious. I'm talking about Arthur Pendragon."

Merida's eyes widened for real. "I beg your finest pardon?! Artie?!"

I smirk again. "Oh, you gave him a nickname?"

Merida throws a pillow from her bed at me, hitting me right behind my head. I was standing in front of her door, which was holding her full body mirror, so her throw made me stumble into it. "Hey!" I turn, pick up the pillow, and throw it back at her. "Watch the hair. It took me forever to get this dragon braid just right."

Merida snorts. "Nerd."

"Says you!" I retorted. "You're the one playing Dungeons and Dragons–"

"Hold up, I thought you liked DnD. I know you haven't played it before, but I know you like all the stuff related to it, so don't be a hypocrite." Merida crosses her arms and stares at me in disappointment.