Dangerous Love

Chapter 43

~Jess' POV~

It hurts more than I thought it would, you know. I was prepared for a tonne of pain, I knew it would be unbelievably bad, but what I was experiencing now was on another level. I slipped on my black dress with matching high heels. Even simple things like zipping up the dress seemed impossible, she wasn't here to do it for me. I put my favourite pair of earrings in; a gift from Emelia. I didn't bother with make up, who would when you know it'll be coming off when the tears start to flow?

Before leaving, I looked in the mirror, something that I hadn't done since Emelia died. I didn't know what to do, I just stood there in silence. Pale skin, dark bags under my puffy eyes. I must have been stood there for a good five minutes, not even the tears now blurring my vision could stop me from looking. I was in a world of my own, my hearing disappearing, only the breaths I took filling the room. What was I looking at? I don't even know, everything was just so surreal nowadays. I was so fixed in that position, that I didn't even see Holly come and stand behind me. "Jess, are you ready?"

I was brought out of my trance and back into the real world, the world where I least wanted to be. I lowered my eyes and looked down, "Yeah, yeah I'm ready." Holly grabbed my bag for me and held both of my arms, leading the way downstairs. "Jim is in the car waiting for us."

It felt as if I was a toddler, unable to speak or walk. Holly guiding me wherever I needed to be. I sat in the front of the car next to Jim, Holly sat behind us with her hand on my shoulder for the entire journey. I gazed out of the window and watched the world go by, my hearing muffled. I looked and felt completely out of it. It sounded like Jim and Holly were having a conversation, but it must have been irrelevant, because I couldn't hear it. I only focus on the priorities now, the things that need to be heard. The important things. All I could make out from what we passed were graves, lots and lots of graves. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, almost as if I had earphones in, playing it to me. I blinked slowly, interrupted by Holly, frantically shaking my shoulder. "Jess..." Muffles. "Jess!"

I snapped out of what felt like a hypnotism.The heartbeat in my ears had gone, my breathing back to normal. "Yeah?" I whispered.

"We're here," Holly said, undoing my seat belt like a parent did to their child. "Let's get out."

Time went by in a second. I was now stood by the funeral car, Emelia's lifeless body laying inside the coffin. I was more awake now, seeing as I wasn't in my own company. Holly spoke with Jim and some other guests, as I put my hand up to the cold glass. I stared at the flowers spelling out her name, the most beautiful name, belonging to the most beautiful person. A tear was rolling down my cheek, yet my eyes stayed focused on my love. I spent a minute with her, knowing this would be one of the last opportunities I'd get.

I saw a figure stand behind me through the reflection of the glass. I focused on it, as my blood began to boil. "You have no right being here," I spat, turning around to face him.

"I'm her dad, I have every right."

"You left her and her mother when she was young, you lost the right to call yourself her dad a long time ago," I looked him up and down, disgusted that he would even think of doing this.

"Look, I know I made mistakes--"

"Mistakes doesn't even cover it," I interrupted.

"I know that I left them, but I want to make it up to her now," he persisted.

"You weren't interested in her at all when she was alive, what makes you think it's acceptable now?"

"Because I regret it. I was a fool. I regret not being a part of her life, even if I was gone. I should have kept in touch, kept the relationship going."