-Chapter 51-

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a/n:

hey guys! please go vote on this poll it will effect the story and i'd really appreciate it.

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[pewdie's pov]

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I start a fire and as it whooshes up the heat fills me up and makes me feel whole. Laughter still fills the air as I get lost in my own world. People, I think, usually have someone they look up to. Someone that they love, and that person who hopefully makes them feel valid.

For the longest time, that person to me was Jake. I'll never tell Cry, who doesn't like him at all, but I still think of him as something like a symbol to me. Someone that even though he never really liked me at all that I felt something for- it wasn't a father-son sort of deal. It was something like a symbol and a person relationship, a person that was more elevated than me. A person who lived. I remember all the stories he used to tell me about the things he did.

I throw the log into the fire.

I don't think I'll ever forget them, even though sometimes I wish I had lived my life like he had.

"Hey," a voice says from behind me. "Felix, turn around." Cry's voice. I turn with a smile and get a face full of snow. Nate and Cry are cackling when I shriek and brush it off my face.

"Oh, it's on motherfuckers," I say evilly. They both exchange a look and run, and I immediately follow after them. But not without looking back one last time at the cabin that had built a lot for me, and will build the rest of my life.

>>>>

We're all shivering when we go inside. Cry wraps an arm around me and I realize neither of us can stop laughing. He looks at me with his dark, stormy blue eyes and has this peculiar little grin across his face that I can't really understand.

Part of me decides that it isn't really important to understand at this point. As long as we're both happy, I'm okay. Nate wedges his way between us... cough, cockblock, cough. I brush it off right as I think that, though. Us three, we're all we need.

Everything feels okay.

>>>>

[two days later]

>>>>

"Hey, Felix?" I was dozing off but jolt right up when Cry calls for me. It's just us two in the cabin right now.

"Hm?" I blink a few times, trying to wake up. It feels like there is still a layer of fog over my thoughts. A smile spreads across my face when he kisses me.

"Wake up, Poods." He pats my face playfully and kisses me again. Finally, I feel a little more awake. Sitting up, I grin at him and gesture for him to continue speaking. "You said there was a department store near here? Run by some kid you met a long time ago? We need some supplies and I'm hoping there are a few books there, too."

I nod, "Yeah, his name is Dan Howell. He's really nice, from what I remember. There was also this other kid, named Phil Lester. They both used to explore the forest with me. I remember Phil crying and Dan getting pissed when I left, though. I hope they won't be mad."

"They won't," Cry says and helps me up. "I'm sure they'll be happy to see you." I look in his eyes. The same soft look that's been there for the past few days only gets more apparent as they pass. It makes me want to cry every time I see it.

"Alright, if you say so. Should we go then?"

"Yeah, Nate can stay here. He really likes the forest, I think he's out there now." Cry winks at me. "He's gone for long periods of time. We've got plenty of free time." He wiggles his eyebrows and opens the front door for me. I press the unlock button on the car keys and it makes a beep beep noise that seems way too loud for the quiet wilderness that surrounds us. We both flinch.

"Whatever you'd like, Cry," I say in a (hopefully) teasing and sexy voice. He blushes a deep red but still manages to keep his cool. I get in the driver's seat so I can drive us to the store and he gets into shotgun. We're silent as I start the car and pull onto the path that leads us out of our little oasis. He mumbles a few words that I don't catch. I turn and raise an eyebrow at him.

"What did you say?" I ask.

"I said... you're pretty hot when you do that voice," he mumbles a little more coherently. Grinning, I somehow manage to drive and peck him on the cheek.

"I try, babe. I try."

It takes a while to get there since the cabin is so damn secluded. About an hour or so later of a peaceful car drive, we pull into a small parking lot. The sign says Smol Store. I smile and both Cry and I laugh. My mind immediately thinks about how that's definitely a Dan thing to do. The sign looks like the original name, Small, the A and one L were scribbled out and plastered over.

I think suddenly about us all playing in the snow, laughing and tripping and just being playful. It was the good part of being adopted into a whole new family and system. Coming up here every few months was just so amazing. The snow would fall and even though it was a sure long walk we three would meet in the middle and go out into the woods. The snow would drift through the trees and create something that only could be recreated in movies.

Before Cry came into my life, I'd say it was by far the happiest moment. There's still a lasting peace from it.

...

I didn't realize I was stalling going in until Cry gives me a small nudge.

"Come on, we're never going to go in at this rate." The kind smile he gives me is scarily out of character yet nice at the same time. The person Cry is turning back into when we're here, that's the person I fell in love with so long ago.

It's the person I've seen in him all along.

"Ok, ok. You're right. I am stalling." I still don't move and he looks very amused.

"You're still stalling." Cry gets out and opens my door for me. I let out a huge sigh.

"You can't just go in?"

"No."

"Alright... fine." I unbuckle my seatbelt and put on the red flannel I was wearing around my waist. Cry offers me his hand and I take it with a thankful expression. He gives me a nod and pulls me toward the shop. The door opens even before we get there.

I recognize Dan immediately.

He's changed a lot, but not that much at the same time. Still the same old emo hair. Still with the all black clothes or very neutral colors. He has his ears pierced now, which makes me smirk. His parents never wanted him to, but looks like he still did. He says something that I don't catch.

I let go of Cry's hand and walk a little faster.

"Dan?" I say. We stop about four feet away from each other. He stares at me with a poker face for a second. I should've know that this is how it would go. "Hey, man, I'm really sorr-" Dan closes the distance and gives me a short but sweet hug. I know he's not much of a hugger, so I appreciate what I get. The fact that he's not mad makes me incredibly happy.

"Felix," he says. "We thought we'd never see you again." His accent is the same, but his voice is deeper. We've all grown up.


"Well," I say. "Here I am." He puts his head in his hands and rubs his face.

"You're such an asshole. Do you know how many existential crises I've had about one of my best friends leaving? About being abandoned in the wilderness? Constant thought. All. The. Time." He crosses his arms and throws out his hip.

"I-"

"Come in. Phil is inside, you have to tell us everything." Cry and I walk side by side, following Dan in the store.


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