In The Stars - (PewDieCry)

-Chapter 56-

a/n:

Hello! I won't be updating this weekend since I'm going on a roadtrip, love you guys.

Thank you for all the reads! Also, I just hit 200 followers. That's pretty damn crazy. Sometimes I still don't understand how so many people like this book.

BUT IM SO GLAD.

<3

Have a good morning, noon, and night. Deuces!

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[pewdie's pov]

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felix.

felix...

FELIX.

what's wrong with him?

shock...

um.

he's in shock.

what do we do?

shh. calm down. we can't afford to lose our heads.

i..

uh...

it'll be...

okay.

we can't panic.

you help felix and i'll help cry.

is cry...? is he...?

i can't tell.

>>>>

I woke up a few hours later. At first there was only a faint notion that there was something wrong. My memory hadn't fully returned yet. Blinking a few times and letting out a soft yawn, I roll over to talk to Cry.

Then I realize he's not there.

Then it all comes rushing back in a huge tidal wave. Cry in the tree, what he said. My lip starts to tremble and my whole body starts to shake. I'm not going to break down, I think. I can't afford to break down right now. Not just yet. I promise myself that I'm not going to cry.

A hoarse sob escapes from my throat, and that promise is demolished. Tears stream down my face and suddenly I'm yelling, screaming for him. Dan and Phil look shocked and a little scared when I burst into the living room. Nate jolts awake from where he was wrapped up on the couch, sleeping with his face pressed into this strange teddy bear that he found here.

There's a body by the fire.

I start toward it, but Dan grabs my arm. He's saying something, but I don't take the time to listen. His arm is shoved aside and I kneel next to Cry. Everyone is watching me again as I roll him over.

Breathing.

I stare at him for a second, not saying a word. His lips aren't blue anymore though he does look like he's in a lot of pain. The blankets around him fall to the side and I realize he didn't lose any parts to hypothermia either. Cry's eyes are closed and he's breathing, oh God he's breathing and he didn't die on me.

He didn't die, I don't know why, but I'm grateful. I put my forehead against his and smile. Tears drip from my face onto his. Our lips meet only briefly before I pull away, wiping my face. All that runs through my mind now is confused thoughts.

(was i really not enough?)

(don't you care to fight for love?)

(was what we had not enough?)

"Why did you want to die?" I murmur, cradling him close. Dan, Phil, and Nate exit the room and leave us alone. "I don't understand. I've always tried so hard, just for you. Was I really not enough to keep you here?" Cry shifts slightly in unconsciousness, but I barely notice. I'm shaking again, so bad that my vision is all messed up. The world is rocking back and forth because of my shivering.

"I love you. Wasn't what we had enough?"

>>>>

It takes a week, but Cry finally wakes up. When he does, I'm asleep. Dan and Phil left, leaving Nate to take care of me. I'll admit it- in the days leading up to Cry waking, I slept way too much. Food was something I constantly avoided. Conversation? Hell no. It was as if the whole world had slapped me in the face. Gave me a hell of a reality check, to stop pretending like running away could fix everything. I really thought it could be good for us. And, in a way, there have been some very memorable moments. But the fact still remains that there were things left unsaid, and we tried so hard to be happy when the very things that put us at ease were killing us.

Anyway... back to Cry waking up. I woke up with a pair of lips pressed against my forehead. At first I felt an urge to push whoever it was away. It felt like a stranger had snuck up on me and was suddenly showing me signs of affection when I didn't even know the person.

The first thing he said to me, his expression... I'll never forget it. 

"I wanted to die," he says, hovering over me. The emotions on his face seem vast and endless. "And I'm not exactly sure why. Well, I have a few guesses and thoughts but I-"

"Why don't you come and lay down?" I say quietly, patting the empty space beside me. Cry hesitates, but nods after a few seconds and awkwardly makes his way to the other side of the bed. We turn toward each other. His warm breath hits my face and makes me feel more comfortable. I speak first this time. 

"I heard everything you said," I say softly, trying not to upset him. He still flinches and turns his face away like I've slapped him. 

"I'm sorry. Felix, I'm so, so sorry. I... I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. There's something inside me that's broken and I know I need to get my shit together, but I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore..." He still won't meet my eyes. "God damn it, I'm so sorry." I reach out and grab his face, turning it to face me. Dark eyes meet light eyes.

"Cry don't ever apologize for having the feelings that you do. You should not be sorry for feeling sad, or lost, or alone. The things you did, they scared me really, really bad. That's a fact. But we can fix each other. You're here for a reason. We came to this cabin for a reason. There's nothing that is stopping us from being happy except our pasts." Cry still looks a little skeptical. I can tell there are still things eating away at him. They've subsided, mostly, for now... but they still threaten to devour him, like what almost happened.

"Do you think us coming here is running away again?" I ponder the question for a moment. I've recently thought a lot about running as well. But... this isn't it. 

"No. I just want to be better. Don't you just want to live and be content? There's always ups and downs in life. But... still. To be just happy with what we've done. That's why we came here, it's not running. We couldn't stay. We've been running up until now."

"So...? What are we supposed to do? Is there really any option other than running and staying?" I play with his hair a little, still thinking about all the things that have been left unsaid. 

"Facing. It's time for us to face it." Cry looks very confused but doesn't say anything. "Cry?" I ask quietly. 

"Hm?" Somehow his arms are around me. 

"Please. I know it seems better to go, but please stay. Don't leave me. We can make this work. I know we can. Something is going to happen; something is going to change." He kisses the top of my head and I nuzzle closer. He's so warm. Cry isn't cold anymore.

"I won't. We have this love, now we have to fight for it." I start to drift off, but he wakes me up with a few last words. "I can't believe I wanted to leave you. For a split second there, I forgot how beautiful you really are."