In The Stars - (PewDieCry)

-Chapter 57-

a/n:

HELLO!!!!! <3

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[pewdie's pov]

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So, it became a regular occurence. 

Everyday, I would wake up very early. I would go outside and drink coffee as I watched the sun rise and the reflection it had on the puddles of melting snow. Nate would already be gone by then exploring, so I wasn't bothered or talked to.

Which is where I'm sitting right now, looking out at the fading dark sky as light slowly comes in. After a while, I get up to go inside. Cry is standing at the door, like he always does. He smiles and opens it for me. I can tell he's been waiting this whole time to talk to me. Cry does it everytime, and it's another point on the long list of reasons I love him. When he wakes up and sees me out here, he doesn't talk. Cry doesn't try to disturb me, or even come out beside me and sit down. He waits until I'm ready every single time, and that's something very admirable. Someone who leaves you at peace when you need it... that's the best someone can do.

"How are you?" I ask every morning. I stand on my tiptoes a little and kiss him of the lips softly. He's gotten so much taller since when we were younger. When I was the tallest one. 

"I'm doing better," he says today. "I'm changing a bit everyday, and it's scary. But I'll be okay." He nuzzles his face into my hair and pulls me into his arms. 

"I love you," I say quietly. At first, so quiet that I wonder if he even heard me. But he does, and he always does. 

"I love you most," he says. We stay there for a long, long time. Today is not like any other day so far. We are talking more, showing more affection than the last few weeks. The weeks following Cry's near death were filled with silence. Cry didn't talk except to say the nesessary things. When Dan and Phil came over, he'd go out and not speak to them. He told me later that it was because he was embarassed to say anything. Cry was scared and wary because he thought, even after we talked, that I was still upset. I'm nt upset anymore. Just glad that he's here. 

"Cry?" He's startled by me speaking out of nowhere. 

"Yeah, what's wrong?" He pulls away from me. A look of panic spreads acorss his face. I can see it still. The look that even though he's better, one word can send him spiraling, out of nowhere, into a dark abyss. A slight difference in tone can make unwanted memories stir. 

He's had only one very, very bad panic attack so far. But he still won't go outside when it snows. 

The look he's giving me now, it makes me think of it.

>>>>

[flashback

>>>>

"Hey, I'm home." I let the screen door close shut with a slam behind me. There is no answer, except a faint sound that I can barely pick up in the background. "Hello? Cry? Are you here?" I get closer and closer and peek into the bedroom that we share. It's completely pitch black, but now I realize somebody is crying. It's been two weeks since the incident. 

He's been this way the whole time since what happened. Barely functional. All he does is walk around the house like a zombie. He doesn't eat unless I make him something directly, and sit it infront of him. All his time is spent usually in the living room chair. He reads and sleeps and listens to the CD player Dan and Phil brought. The album Away From The Sun by 3 Doors Down is on constant repeat.

I switch on the light and study the situation. Still, I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out and running right to him.

He's sitting there in the corner, rocking back and forth. Broken sobs that don't sound human come from him. The window in the background is open. It's snowing out, and it flows through the window. The room is freezing and only getting colder by the second. 

First, I shut the window. It doesn't do anything to fix his condition, though. I realize with a growing sense of dread that there's no doubt that Cry sufferes from some sort of PTSD. He's no longer crying, just sitting there. I don't think he even sees me. When I kneel next to him and look him in the eyes his pupils are so dilated that I can't see the midnight blue.

"Cry. It's me, Felix." I gently reach out and touch his arm. No response except now I can see he's whispering to himself. 

(all we do is hide away all i do is try and chance the day all i do is wait for fate to hit me and

(it's so cold it's so cold and maybe the cold is the only thing that understands and that scares me)

(don't let me get cold please don't let me become cold where's felix isn't he going to help me)

(he's the only person who can stop me from going cold)

He's as cold as the room, but it isn't nearly as cold as he was when he nearly froze to death. I shudder just thinking about it. After a second of wondering and pondering my options, I pick him up. At first it's hard because he's a lot taller and more muscled than I am, but I only have to go a short distance. I lay Cry into the bed and climb in after, hugging him close. All the covers and blankets are wrapped around us. He stops shaking, takes a deep and shakey breath, and closes his eyes. Softly, I kiss his nose. He's asleep now.

"It's okay. You're safe. The cold can't hurt you when I'm here. I promise. I'll always be here."

>>>>

[present day]

>>>>

"Is there something wrong?" He says. His chest rises and falls. "There's nothing wrong, right?" I brush his hair away from his eyes, absentmindedly thinking about how we both really need haircuts. We're starting to look a little shaggy. 

"There's nothing wrong." His shoulders immediately relax. "We'll be okay," I say, resting my head on his chest again. 

"Will we? You promise?" 

"Things can only go up from here," I say, before pulling away. "But I'm going to go down and pick up some books and a few more CDs from Dan and Phil. Are you going to be okay here all by yourself?" Internally, I flinch. I sound like I'm talking to a little kid. 

"I'll be fine, I think." He kisses my forhead and goes back to the chair in the living room. "See you in a bit."

"See you later," I say, waving goodbye. Right as I close the door tightly behind me a wave of dread creeps up, starting from my heart and crawling down my spine. It gives me goose bumps. That's how strong this immediate feeling is, and it's not just the cold.

I shouldn't go. Something isn't right.

My phone goes off with another text from Dan, though, and the feeling is forgotten seconds later.