All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

These Limbs Are Growing Cold To Numb

{unedited}

"Alex, did you finish that essay?" Mrs. Matthews asked, walking over to my desk. I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized that I had completely forgotten about it. "Uh..."

She sighed, giving me a disappointed look. "We need to talk okay? This can't go on any longer. You need to start doing your work or else you're going to fail all of your classes. Have you ever considered getting a tutor? It would really benefit your grades," she told me, kneeling down in front of my desk. I looked away, trying not too look her in the eyes. "No, I haven't. I just forgot is all."

She sighed again and stood up. "I'll give you another week. I need it by then or else that grade is a zero, okay?"

I nodded, my hand in a tight fist. I looked to my side and noticed Lynn was staring at me from across the room. I quickly glanced away, not wanting to draw attention to myself. I stared at my desk and closed my eyes, knowing I should be working on my outline. I couldn't bring myself to pick up my pencil, or concentrate. I didn't understand why I was like this. What's the point? Why is your significance in life measured by your grades?

I pushed the thought away and took out a sheet of binder paper. Mrs. Matthews wanted me to write about something meaningful in my life. She saw how shitty my grade was and gave me a chance to boost it up. The problem was, there was absolutely nothing meaningful in my life. Everything was shit. Everything that used to be good was either gone or never existed. I'd given up hoping that things would ever change for me. Why would they? I didn't deserve anything good in my life.

I wrote down a few words, trying to focus. It wasn't that it was hard for me. I could do well in my classes if I tried harder, but I just didn't have the energy anymore. I got tired too easily, frustrated. I gave up over nothing and over everything.

I stopped after several minutes, glancing over at my teacher who was writing an email or something at her desk. Everyone else was working on a project that Mrs. Matthews had assigned us earlier that day. We were supposed to pick partners, but whenever she told us to, I always worked alone. I didn't have any friends, obviously, and since Jenna wasn't in my class, I didn't have her to ask.

We were supposed learn something meaningful about our partner and do a presentation on it. Obviously I didn't have one so I had no idea what I was going to do. No one asked to work with me, so I had to figure it out later. Of course there was also the option of just not doing it, but I couldn't afford that. Especially since I was expected to graduate at the end of the year. Even though I didn't want to do the work, I knew I had to. I had to graduate if I wanted to get out of here. If I even made it through the rest of my senior year.

I put my pencil down and stared at the board in front of me. I put my outline away, not able to work on it anymore. I sat there for a few moments before I noticed someone standing next to me.

I looked up to see Lynn looking down at me. "Uh, hi," I mumbled, not sure why she was approaching me. "Hey. So, I was wondering if you wanted to be my partner for the project. If you don't have one already," she said, pursing her lips. I stared at her, surprised. "Um...sure," I stuttered, my binder still in my hands. "Cool. Do you want to maybe meet sometime to get to know some stuff about each other for the project? Since we have to learn something significant about one another that is," she suggested, fixing her hair.

I nodded. "Yeah. When and where?"

"Hm. Lunch next week. Monday. We can go off campus or something," she shrugged, giving me a smile. "Okay," I agreed. "Cool. What was Mrs. Matthews talking to you about?" Lynn wondered. I shook my head. "Just a stupid paper to boost my grade. I don't know what to write about though," I sighed, glancing at the piece of paper on my desk.

"What does it have to be about?"

"Something meaningful in my life," I muttered, fighting back a cold laugh. It was a bullshit prompt. Lynn cocked her head to the side, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking. "There must be something. Everyone has something meaningful in their life. Whether it's their significant other or a pet hamster. You just have to look," she told me.

I nodded slowly. "I guess, I don't know."

The bell rang, signalling the end of 4th period. "See you tomorrow Alex," Lynn stated, going across the room to get her backpack. I didn't say anything back, just packed up my things and hurried out of the room to go and find Jenna.

Okay yup another chapter. I haven't been to school this entire week so I took it as a chance to update.

- c