All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

Is There Somewhere You Could Meet Me?

{Unedited}

I avoided everyone on Monday. I wasn't really sure why. And I guess it was kind of shitty of me to do, but I felt like I needed to isolate myself. Not like it was healthy, but I didn't know how to feel about things lately. Especially with graduation just around the corner and what the future held.

In a lot of ways, I didn't want a future. I wanted peace, but somehow I didn't think I could find that in life. Just death. I still thought about taking my own life everyday and wondered why I hadn't just done it already. But then I thought of Lynn and Dane. I guess they were my reasons to stay. Although I had been feeling like lately even that wasn't enough. How selfish of me.

I was sitting at the park that Lynn and I had gone to a while back. I had two free periods and I left school as quickly as I could to make sure I didn't run into Dane, Jenna, or Lynn. I knew they would be looking for me but I just didn't have the energy to try and explain how I was feeling. I was playing with the holes in my jeans as I swung slowly back and forth on one of the old swings, breathing in the fresh air and feeling the lukewarm sun on my back that was slightly blocked by clouds.

"What are you doing here?" a raspy voice questioned, the sound of gravel crunching beneath their feet as they walked toward me. I turned around and looked at the person, wondering who they were. It was a girl, probably my age or a bit older with light blue hair that went to her shoulders. A cigarette was hanging out of her mouth and her eyes were narrowed as she waited for my response to her question. "Just thinking. What about you?" I wondered, now curious.

She took the cigarette out of her mouth and blew the smoke toward the sky before shaking her head. "Mom kicked me out of the house. She hates that I smoke," she muttered, walking over to me. She took a seat on the swing behind me and placed the cigarette back between her pink lips.

"I'm sorry. That sucks," I stated, looking over at her. She stared ahead, shrugging her shoulders as she blew out more smoke.

"You know, they say each cigarette takes a day off your life," she said, throwing the bud on the ground and crushing it with her foot. "I could use a couple decades worth in my mouth then," I replied, looking at the sky. It was silent for a moment before I felt her nudge my shoulder. I turned my attention to her and I noticed she was offering me a cigarette. I had never smoked before and I never really wanted to make it a habit, but I took one anyway.

"Have you ever smoked before?" the girl wondered, lighting up another one. "No."

"Just don't inhale too much or else you'll choke," she told me. I nodded and placed it between my lips as she lit it. I inhaled and choked, coughing as the smoke escaped from my mouth. She laughed and took another drag, shaking her head. "Told you. What's your name, by the way?" she asked me.

"Alex. What's yours?" I asked, trying the cigarette again. This time I didn't choke, but my throat started to burn and it tasted horrible. "My name's Ashley. How old are you?" she said, finishing off her second cigarette. "I'm 18, graduating next month. You?"

I'm 19. I graduated last year. I don't think I ever saw you around," she claimed, gripping the chain on the swing with her hands. "I never saw you either. Then again, I'm not the most social person," I said, taking another drag before throwing my cigarette on the ground and stomping it out. Ashley just chuckled and nodded. "I can see that."

I just shrugged and swung back and forth slowly. Ashley stood up and flicked her cigarette out of her hands, shoving the pack into her front jacket pocket. "Do you want to walk with me?" she wondered, holding out her hand to help me up. "Okay," I agreed, extending my hand toward her. She grabbed it firmly and lifted me up, letting go once I was completely standing. Her hands were soft but cold, most likely from the chilly weather.

I followed her out of the park and down the street, shoving my hands into the pockets of my grey hoodie. She smelled faintly of cigarettes and mint and I watched as she popped a piece of gum into her mouth. Ashley offered me one and I took it gladly, chewing it quickly, thankful to get the taste of cigarettes out of my mouth.

"So. Do you live around here?" she asked me, looking over at me. I nodded. "Yeah, like ten minutes away. What about you?"

"Yep. I live pretty close. I'm still surprised I've never seen you around. Anyway, tell me about yourself. What do you do for fun?" Ashley pondered, slowing down her pace and turning so that she could lean against a metal fence. I just shrugged, not sure what to say. "I play guitar sometimes and I draw a lot. That's kind of it. I'm not the most interesting person."

"Bullshit," she laughed. "You're probably more interesting than anyone I know. I can tell."

"What do you do for fun?"

She stepped toward me and blew a large bubble, popping it right in front of my face. "I sing a lot of stuff and write. And I like to fuck with people. Probably why my friendships don't last too long," she muttered. She smiled, even though it was a sad thing to hear her say. "It's okay though. I feel like I was meant to be alone sometimes."

I just looked at her for a moment. "I don't think anyone was ever meant to be alone."

"Maybe. You could be right. But who knows? Anyways...I should go. Is there somewhere you could meet me?" Ashley wondered, blowing another bubble. "Yeah. Do you want to hang out here again tomorrow?" I proposed. She nodded and asked for my phone and began to type in her number. She took a quick picture of herself for her contact photo before handing it back to me.

"Text me when you get here. See you, Alex," she said before walking away, pulling out another cigarette.

I actually kind like this chapter? Idk what do you guys think?

QOTD: What's your favorite Halsey song? (If you listen to her music)

xoxo Claire