All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

It's Another Dead End

{Unedited}

"Does anyone have questions on the homework?" Ms. Williams wondered, leaning against the whiteboard. Everyone mumbled "no", eager to get out of class. Brendon was asleep next to me and I nudged him slightly, causing him to jump in his seat. "Class is almost over," I told him. He looked at me with a sleepy expression on his face. "Thanks."

I just nodded, packing up my stuff. "You're Alex, right?" he wondered, putting on his glasses. "Uh, yeah. Why?" I pondered, sitting back in my seat. He shrugged. "I'm Brendon. An idiot, if you couldn't tell already."

I let myself chuckle at his joke and he smiled at me, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Maybe I'll see you around campus sometime at lunch or whatever. Do you eat in the cafeteria?"

I shook my head violently. "No, I've avoided that place since freshman year. Do you?"

He laughed. "Yeah, I have some friends I hang out with. Patrick, who we call Pattycakes, Dallon, Tyler, Josh, Pete. They're all super nice people," he told me. "Oh, my friend Jenna dates Tyler. If that's Tyler Joseph you're talking about," I replied, standing up and following him out the door. "Right, yeah, yeah, that's all he ever talks about now. Anyway, what class do you have next?" Brendon asked me.

"Uh, I have a free period. I'm gonna meet my girlfriend by the lockers. What about you?"

"I have music. I'll talk to you later today, or maybe tomorrow again. You should come hang out with us sometime, you seem cool," Brendon stated, before waving goodbye to me. I smiled at him and waved back, watching him walk away. I smiled to myself as I headed to my locker, surprised that someone actually wanted to talk to me.

I saw Lynn leaning against my locker door, looking at her phone. Dane was standing by her, catching up on his math homework. "Hey", he said, looking up from his work. "What's up?" Lynn wondered, putting her phone away. She kissed my cheek and I leaned against her, looking at Dane. "How was class?"

He put his work away and looked at me. "It was alright. Just glad I don't have P.E.", he exclaimed, nudging my shoulder. "Oh, fuck off," I laughed, pushing him back. I had to take P.E. my senior year to get all my credits in order to graduate.

I laughed along with them, but I felt bad inside. Like I wasn't human, just a vessel passing through life and watching as everyone else lived. There were times when I felt like I was truly living, but that was only when I was with Lynn. Every other moment was just fillers, until I got to see her again. It was just time passing by as I watched everyone become successful and happy and get into their dream colleges. I had always wanted to go to RISD in Rhode Island, but I knew I could never get in. I took art and a lot of people told me I had a talent, but I never listened to them.

I wanted to be something in life. If I was going to graduate high school, I didn't want to have some bullshit job where I sat in an office all day and pretended to smile at people, secretly wanting to kill myself. I didn't want to be normal. I wanted to have an interesting job, one that I was excited to wake up for in the morning.

If I couldn't get into RISD, I had always wanted to play music and be in a band. The thing was, I didn't know anyone and I was ridiculously nervous. And I mean, what was the chance of me actually being successful in the music business. Probably fucking zero because I could never do anything right.

"Did you turn in your college applications?" Dane asked me, as we all sat down on a bench. I was sitting in Lynn's lap as she held my waist. I just shrugged. "No. I don't think I could get in anyway, so what's the point," I mumbled, feeling like utter shit.

Dane gave me a sad look. "Don't say that. Why wouldn't you get in? You're an amazing artist and I've never met someone as wonderful and talented as you. Just..try, okay? For me and Lynn. Just turn in your applications. Deadlines are next Friday," he begged, placing his arm around my shoulder.

"Baby, you should apply. It's only a state away and I bet you could get in. You've never shown me any of your art but I don't doubt that you're amazing. I know you can get in. You're so wonderful and I know you can do anything," Lynn cooed, moving me off her lap. She kissed my cheek and gave me a small hug.

"Where did you apply to?" I asked her, fidgeting slightly. Lynn and I hadn't talked about college together yet. But it was mid February now. I knew she might pick a school far away from me, but I didn't want to break up with her. I couldn't. She was all I needed, all I wanted. "I don't know. I'm trying to decide what to do. My friend Brian finally agreed to be in my band and I recently met a guy named Alex Babinski who plays guitar and synth. I really want to do something with music but I doubt that could ever work out," she sighed, leaning forward.

She looked worried and upset, as if we were thinking the same thing. Before I could say anything, the bell rang, signalling the beginning of fourth period, English. Speaking of that, Lynn and I were supposed to present our project the beginning of March. We were last on the list, and we were almost done.

//

When I got home, I got a text from Lynn asking if I could FaceTime, and just as I was about to call her, my mom called my name from her bedroom and I groaned, turning around. I went inside and stood in the doorway, looking at her expectantly.

"How was your day?" she wondered, looking up from the scarf she was knitting. "Fine. Why?" I wondered, my voice curious. "I was just wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner with me tonight, maybe do a little clothes shopping too. Does that sound okay? We could leave in an hour," she suggested, looking hopeful.

I didn't want to disappoint her, so I just agreed and went up to my room, telling Lynn I could only talk for a little while. She said she had to do homework, so having nothing to do, I found myself completing the math homework that Mr. Gaskarth had given us.

I wondered what my mom would have in store for me tonight. Hopefully she was being genuine.

I decided to update for you guys bc why not you're all hecka rad.

QOTD: If I started a Joshler story, would any of you be interested in it?

Have a good day!

xoxo Claire :)