All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

I'll Wait To See You Again

{Unedited}

It was too silent and I was too focused on the rain pelting against the window next to me as I sat in the cafeteria. The dull light bounced off the table in front of me and continued to bother me, but I had no energy to move. I was pulled away from my thoughts when I heard Lynn's voice in front of me. 

"Whatcha doing?" she wondered, stepping over the bench so she could sit down. I looked at her and shrugged, turning back to the window. "Thinking."

Lynn nodded and set a book of hers down on the table, leaning forward on her elbows. "What about?"

I looked up at her and blinked. "I don't know. Stuff," I mumbled, pulling my legs up on to the bench so I was sitting criss cross. My skirt hiked up, but I didn't bother to move it back down. I played with the laces on my creepers I had bought myself a couple years ago. They were a bit to small, so they pinched my toes whenever I decided to wear them. "Hm. Makes sense. Everyone thinks about stuff. Why are you sitting all by yourself? Where's that Jenna girl?" Lynn wondered, continuing to look at me. 

"She's with Tyler. The guy she likes a lot. I haven't seen much of her lately," I replied, resting my elbow on the table as well. "Hm. That's too bad. Did you do that essay thing?" Lynn asked me, pulling a pen out of her bag. I nodded my head yes. "I didn't know what to write about. It probably turned out shitty," I laughed. Lynn gave me a look. "I doubt it. You seem like the type of person who would be an amazing writer."

I scoffed, shaking my head. "I can't write. Only thing I'm good at is letting time pass by. It's easier that way, you know?"

Lynn looked at me for a moment before her expression turned sad. She glanced out the window before turning back to me. "You should make the most of the time you have instead of letting it run away. I can help you," she told me, clicking her pen over and over. I glanced at her hands before narrowing my eyes at her. "How?"

She sighed quietly before standing up and leaning across the table. At first I thought she was going to tell me something, but was shocked when her lips pressed against mine gently, creating butterflies in my stomach. She pulled away after a moment, grabbing her bag and leaving without saying goodbye. I sat in my seat, shocked and unable to move. Had that really just happened?

//

I was on my walk home, watching the ground as I moved along slowly. I had stayed at school for the whole day, not wanting the office to call home and rat me out. That would lead to more yelling from my mom and I couldn't deal with that.

Every little thing seemed to bend and break me, and it was almost like I couldn't tolerate a single thing anymore. Whether it was hurtful or kind. It made me break down and end up with me sitting in my closet, hoping my mother couldn't hear me crying and wonder why I was so upset. She would probably criticize me for it anyway, like she always did. I only really spoke to her when I had to.

My dad was pretty much the same, except all he did was ignore me. He never yelled, never swore at me to do my homework. He was just..there, and his eyes were like bottomless pits that judged every step I took. He didn't care for me at all, and although he never said anything, I knew his disgust with me was still there.

I shivered slightly as a gust of wind blew in my direction. My hands were so cold that they began to burn, and I could feel the pins and needles beneath my skin. I heard a car approach and I moved to the side of the road so they could pass by, but they slowed down until they were right beside me. The driver rolled down their window and I looked up to see Lynn, a smile on her face. "Can I give you a ride?" she wondered, raising her eyebrows. I stared at her for a moment, remembering how she had kissed me earlier that day. 

I admit I was extremely nervous, but I liked Lynn and it was freezing outside. I nodded my head and ran up to the passenger door, opening it quickly. I hopped inside and set my backpack by my feet, buckling myself. Lynn began driving down the road, not saying anything at first.

"Do you want to come over? We can work on our project or whatever it is we're supposed to be doing," Lynn suggested, turning a corner. I glanced over at her but looked away quickly, scared that she would catch me admiring her. "Um, okay," I agreed, not wanting to go home to my parents, who were just ghosts at most. Shallow and empty.

"Alright, cool," she replied, acting like what she did at lunch had never happened. I wondered why she had done it, and if it even meant anything to her. Did she regret it? Was she embarrassed? I stared out the window, wondering how I felt about it. It was a surprise definitely, but there was something about the way her lips felt against mine. Something familiar and safe about it that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"We're here," Lynn announced, snapping me out of my daze. I grabbed my stuff and got out of the car, following her to the front door. There was a bench and a few chairs placed on the front porch, and the outside was a nice cream color. A "welcome" mat was sitting in front of the door, which Lynn unlocked. 

I followed her inside, slipping off my shoes. She led me up the carpeted staircase and to her room, which was covered in posters. There was a large shelf stocked with CDs in the right corner of her room, next to her bed. There was a window and desk against the left wall, which had a tree just outside, a few leaves hanging on to it. 

Rain drops ran down the window as Lynn sat at her desk. I walked over to her bed and took a seat, looking over at her. "So..about earlier," I mumbled, rubbing my hands on my jacket. I looked up at Lynn, unable to calm my anxious nerves. "Yeah," was all she said, causing me to feel even more uncomfortable.

I wanted her to do it again. I wanted to be close to her all over again, but I didn't know if she wanted that too. I think that's what hurt most, not knowing if someone wanted you the way you wanted them. I wanted her to know me, but I didn't. I didn't know if I could open up to her without closing up all over again. 

Lynn walked over to me and I felt her eyes on mine before she was close all over again, her lips pressed against mine. A warmth spread through my body and I felt at home with her, something I had never felt before with anyone else.

She pulled away and I looked at her, not wanting to let go. "I'm not going to hurt you," she promised, touching my cheek. I nodded slowly, trying to blink away the tears forming in my eyes. "Okay. I trust you."

QOTD: What's your favorite holiday?