All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

Cause When She Sings, I Hear A Symphony

{Unedited}

I came home the next day and checked to see if anyone was home. After there was no reply to my relentless shouting, I locked and closed the door behind me, walking up the stairs to my room. I opened my door and flipped on my light switch, the artificial light illuminating my disaster of a room.

I noticed a yellow folder on my bed with my name on it and immediately dropped all of my bags, rushing toward it. I checked the return address.

It was from RISD.

I bit my lip as I realized this was my future. I loved art. I loved photography. Everything that people said would be impossible to succeed at. It was the only thing I was good at and I needed this. What would I do if I was rejected? But at the same time, what would I do if I got in? Would Lynn and I have to break up? Would I see Dane again? Jenna?

I shook as my fingers ran along the line of the edge of the envelope. I ripped it open and yanked out the folded letter, my heart racing with anticipation. I opened it and took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment. I opened them and unfolded the letter, bracing myself.

My eyes scanned the typed words, back and forth, back and forth.

Thank you for your application...

Lots of potential...

Creative and innovative work...

We are pleased to tell you that you have been accepted into Rhode Island School of Design.

My jaw dropped as I stared at the paper in my hands, unable to believe what I had just read. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God," I whispered, my voice cracking. I felt my eyes begin to water as I stood up, opening my door and running down the stairs, screaming something inaudible.

I grabbed my bags and keys, running out the front door and hopping into the old Honda. I headed to Lynn's house, the windows completely rolled down. I could barely contain my excitement. When I got to Lynn's, I hopped out of the car, gripping the crinkled letter in my right hand, rushing to her front door. I rang her doorbell, waiting for her to respond as I stared at my feet, realizing I was wearing an old white tank top and ripped jeans that I needed to get rid of.

Lynn opened the door, her hair in a bun. She was wearing black shorts and a cropped black shirt. "Alex?" she mumbled, looking surprised. "Come in."

I followed her inside and she jogged up the stairs as I trailed behind. She led me into her room and closed the door behind her, standing in front of her bed. "What's up? Is everything okay?" she wondered, crossing her tan arms. "I got in. Lynn, I got in," I whispered, tears falling from my eyes. She looked confused for a moment before she realized what I was talking about. "Oh, my God! Alex, that's fucking amazing!" she shouted, wrapping her arms around me tightly. She picked me up off the ground and we fell backwards onto her bed, but she still held her grip. I had tears in my eyes and I heard her tell me how proud she was.

"I knew you would get in, baby. I knew it," she whispered, sounding excited. I let a few tears escape my eyes as I enjoyed her presence, smiling to myself. Lynn's voice faded after a few moments and I felt her thumb tracing circles against my bare hip. I didn't want to be afraid of the future, but I was terrified. More than terrified.

I looked up at Lynn and kissed her jaw, adjusting my position on top of her. "Are you grinding against me?" she questioned, looking at me suspiciously. "No, dumb dumb, I'm just moving so I don't fall off," I laughed, moving more just to annoy her. She just groaned and bit her lip, looking frustrated. "Ooh, Lynn, I need to show you something," I exclaimed, sitting up on top of her. She clenched her jaw and nodded slowly, looking like she was trying to contain herself. I grabbed her speaker and plugged my phone into it, pressing play on a playlist I had made for her. Cheesy? Yes, but I didn't care.

"I like this," she whispered, listening to the first song; Stay Young, Go Dancing by Death Cab For Cutie.

I smiled and lied back down on top of her, kissing her. It seemed like it had been forever since I last felt her soft lips against mine. She kissed me again, harder this time. I didn't pull away, but instead bit her bottom lip, earning a small moan from her mouth. I placed my hand on her neck, moving away from her lips and kissing her jaw. She gripped my hips tightly, squeezing them. I moved on to her neck, kissing the soft skin lightly before sucking on it, creating a hickey.

"Lynn?" I whispered into her ear before kissing her cheek. "Yeah?"

"I love you," I admitted. I had known it for a long time, but I never told her because I was scared of what she would say back.

"I love you more," she replied, kissing me on the lips, her tongue tracing the outline of my bottom lip. I smiled into the kiss, feeling whole. Feeling happy. Her lips crushed against mine and I placed both of my hands on her neck before moving my hips against hers, creating the friction in her jeans (FOB ANYONE AM I RITE)

She trailed her hands up my shirt, resting them on my stomach for a moment. "I want you so bad," she begged, looking impatient. "You have me," I told her. She tugged on the hem of my shirt and I pulled it over my head, exposing my bra. I leaned down to kiss her before continuing to grind against her, going slowly at first before picking up the pace. She gasped, moaning loudly. "D-don't stop."

I nipped at her neck as I continued to grind against her messily. She rolled her head back into the sheets and I felt her body shudder as she moaned loudly, breathing heavily. I rolled off of her, kissing her cheek before lying next to her, stretching my leg over her torso. She rested her hand on my bare back and kissed me. "I'm so proud of you. You're going to do so amazing at your college," she stated, moving so that she was facing me.

"What's going to happen to us?" I asked. I never wanted that question to escape me, but I needed to know. I needed to hold on to her. I didn't ever want to let her go. But what if she left me? I couldn't stop her then.

"We'll be okay. No matter what happens, you'll be okay," was all she said. I bit the inside of my cheek. What did that mean? Did she plan on saying goodbye? I could hardly say goodnight to her. "Please don't leave me," I begged, burying my face in her shirt. "We'll be okay," she promised, running her fingers through my dark hair. "Promise me," I said, sniffling. There was a pause, a slight hesitation before she spoke.

"I promise you."

//

I got home later that night and walked in to see my mom reading on the couch. "Where have you been?" she wondered, looking up from her book. "I was at Lynn's. I got some news about RISD and I needed to get out of the house," I explained, setting my bag down on the counter. My mother's face dropped. "Oh, honey...I'm so sorry. You can always reapply," she told me, patting the couch beside her. I walked over to her and crossed my arms. "Actually, I got in," I corrected her, sitting down next to her. "What? Really?" she exclaimed, looking surprised, as if she never thought I would get in. Which would make sense. My parents always doubted me. "Yeah."

"Lex! That's amazing! I'm so proud of you!"

"Don't call me that," I snapped, suddenly angry at her. Did she really think I wasn't capable of anything? I know I had given up for a long time, and my grades had dropped. But did it really lead her to believe I was that worthless? That I would never succeed in life?

"Alex, I'm just trying to tell you I'm proud of you," she said sternly, putting her book down. "Okay. Thanks. I'm gonna go for a drive. Bye," I announced, grabbing my bag and slamming the door behind me before she could reply. I got into the car and started the engine, putting in a CD. I cranked up the volume and pulled out of the driveway, driving down the street. It was dark outside, and I glanced up at the moon above me.

I couldn't wait to get away from all of these people. But I wanted to hold on to Dane, Jenna, Lynn. Would that even be possible though? I felt like they were all slipping away, disappearing. But maybe that was just me. Maybe I was the one disappearing.

QOTD: Do you guys play any instruments?