All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

We Can Just Pretend That All You Need Is Me

{Unedited}

I woke up late the next weekend, buried beneath several blankets and surrounded by my dimly lit room. I stretched before lying there for a few more minutes, trying to find the energy to get up. Dane's show was tonight, and Lynn and I had planned to meet up beforehand. I picked up my phone from my beside table and saw I had multiple texts from Jenna.

Jenna: do u want to hang out with tyler and i today?

Jenna: i havent seen u in forever call me

Jenna: tyler is bringing josh i dont want to be a third wheel

I groaned and sat up, throwing my blankets off of me. It was true, I hadn't talked to Jenna for a little while and she had been busy hanging around Tyler. The thing was, I had no energy to hang out with her. It wasn't that she was mean to me, but when I saw her doing so well in life, I felt horrible. I was failing everything and just watching my life pass by.

I lied there for another moment before finally getting up and walking to the bathroom, starting a shower. I undressed quickly and stepped inside, finally relaxing once I felt the warm water make contact with my skin. I stood there for a long time, washing my hair and wondering if I would agree to hang out with Tyler, Josh, and Jenna.

When I was done with my shower, I dried off and pulled on some black jeans and a white v-neck shirt. My hair was looking like shit, so I just brushed it ignored it, letting it fall down my shoulders, not wanting to deal with it. The bags under my eyes were more prominent than usual, probably from all the late night phone calls with Lynn.

I pulled on one of Lynn's jackets that I had forgotten to return the other day. I decided to wear it so I wouldn't forget to give it back again. I walked down the stairs and immediately regretted my decision once I heard my mom in the kitchen.

The thing was, my relationship with my mom was always confusing. Sometimes she would yell at me for no reason, and other times, she would be unbelievably kind to me and say what a wonderful person I was. I never knew what to expect from her, and that was what scared me. There was no in between.

"Hi, Mom," I mumbled, walking in the kitchen. She turned around and mumbled something incoherent back at me. I opened the fridge and pulled out milk, then turned to the cabinet to grab cereal. My parents didn't know about me. They didn't know what I had been feeling for the past eight years of my life. They had no idea how badly I just wanted to disappear. Sometimes I found myself wanting to tell them, to make them understand how badly I was hurting. But how could I?

"What are your plans for today?" she wondered, turning on the oven. "Uh, I'm going to Dane's show," I told her, taking a seat across the counter from her. "Dane? Dane Petersen?" she wondered, looking up at me. I nodded slowly. "He's back? Why didn't you tell me?! How long has it been?"

I chewed slowly, realizing I hadn't said anything about Dane moving back to the area.

Oops.

"Sorry. I guess I thought I did. I've been busy. He got here a couple weeks ago. His mom broke up with her boyfriend so they decided to move back, I guess," I explained, taking another bite of cereal. "That's great! Well, not about his mother's boyfriend, but about them coming back. Is he coming over later tonight after the show? I haven't seen him for so long! I'll have to get his mom's number," she chimed, placing something in the warm oven.

"Uh, he might I don't know. Lynn might come over too after," I replied, getting up and washing my bowl. I felt bad, since I hadn't told my parents about Lynn and I still. We had been together for about a month and a half. Her parents knew we were dating, but then again, they were a lot more accepting than mine. My parents knew I was gay, the only reason I held back from telling them was because I didn't want them to limit my time with her.