All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

All We Do Is Think About The Feelings That We Hide

{Unedited}

"Come closer," I whispered, pulling Lynn toward me. It didn't feel right not having her close to me. She snuggled into my neck, wrapping her arms around me and closing her eyes again. We had gone back to her house for lunch and had fallen asleep in her bed, and I knew we had to be back soon. The thing was, I had no urge to get up.

"It's almost 1:30," she mumbled, but didn't make any effort to sit up. "I know. I don't want to move," I told her, playing with her hair before taking her hand in mine. "Neither do I. I just have P.E. and Art, that's it. What about you?" she wondered. "Spanish, then P.E.. But Spanish is the only class I have a good grade in. Can we just lie here?" I asked, pulling the blanket up higher, shivering slightly.

"Mmhmm," Lynn agreed, resting her head on my shoulder.

It had been about three months since Lynn and I started dating. It was almost February, and our project was due soon. Honestly, we hadn't started it at all. Not that it was going to be hard. I had just been busy with Lynn and reconnecting with Dane. "We should start our project soon," she stated, as if she had just been thinking the same thing. "I know. I just don't know how to start," I replied, my hand grazing her bare hip, right where her shirt had started to hike up.

"Sorry," I apologized, blushing. "No, don't apologize," she laughed, putting my hand back on her hip. She kissed me gently, her lips moving in sync with mine. She started kissing me harder, gripping my hips. I felt my heart begin to race, wanting more and more of her. It was dark, but I could still make out the outline of her beautiful smile.

"I want you," she whispered into my ear. My stomach tied itself in knots, my breathing becoming ragged. I had never had sex with anyone before, and Lynn and I had only been dating for three months. "I've never done this before," I admitted, sitting up. "I haven't either. We don't have to if you don't want. I don't want to make you do something you're not comfortable with," she replied, kissing my cheek.

"I'm just nervous. And self conscious," I told her, moving closer to her. "You're beautiful, Alex. Everything about you is so perfect," she whispered, kissing me again. I don't know why, but I threw away all my cares for a little while, allowing her to deepen the kiss.

I never meant to let her in, never meant to get close to her. But she made everything so beautiful, even the most horrible things. My thoughts, my doubts, she took them all away. I never understood how. She pressed play on her stereo, and I heard a song begin to play, listening to the lyrics closely as she continued to kiss me.

My neck, the feeling of your soft lips

Illuminated in the light,Bouncing off the exit signsI missed

I felt her hands drift up my shirt, pulling me closer to her. Her hands ran over my breasts, before going back down to my hips. I wrapped my legs around her waist, feeling her lips against my neck.

Your laugh echoes down the highway
Carves into my hollow chest,
Spreads over the emptiness
It's bliss

My throat closed up as I ended up on top of her as she lifted her shirt over her head. She was wearing a black sports bra, and I watched as her chest rose and fell, her breathing still calm and even.

It's so simple but we can't stay
Overanalyze again
Would it really kill you if we kissed?

"We don't have to do this," she reminded me. I just nodded, lying down beside her. She kept her shirt off, wrapping her arm around my back as I kissed her neck, closing my eyes. I stopped because I wasn't ready for her to see all of me. I was vulnerable, I was open and that scared me. If I ever decided to leave...I didn't want her to miss me. I didn't want to be sad that I was gone.

And I felt like letting her in even more would break that wall. But she meant the world to me, and I wasn't sure how that could be.

"You make me see everything differently," I said, my hand resting on her bare stomach. "I do?"

"Yeah. I always feel like no one can hear me, that they don't want to. But you always listen and make me feel like I have a reason to be alive. You just make everything so much better and I have no idea what I would do without you. I'm just...happy and sad at the same time and I don't know how that is," I explained, laying my leg across her lap.

"It happens sometimes. Being happy and sad at the same time is confusing. I feel it too. I know you're hurting, and I hate that you feel that way. All I ever want is for you to feel like you have a place in the world because you do. You matter and the world would be at a loss if you left. You're so beautiful and whenever I think about you, you never fail to make me smile. I would give up everything if it meant that I could lie beside you. That's how important you are to me," she said, just before kissing me again.

I felt tears form in my eyes as I kissed her neck, her cheek, her lips.

She made my world beautiful.

This chapter is complete shit but I figured I should publish something. I'm starting to work on the next chapter for Mirrors so that will hopefully be up soon?

QOTD: What is one of your hobbies/talents? I draw and write a lot, those are my two main hobbies haha

- Claire