All I Need to Stay Sane {Lynn Gunn}

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{Unedited}

I watched as Lynn struggled to open the sliding door that held all of the drinks in the convenience store. She groaned as she tried to push it open, using all of her body strength. She took in a deep breath once she had successfully gotten it to move before pulling out an iced tea. She turned around and looked at me, blowing the hair out of her face. "You ready to go?" she wondered, smiling. I nodded and we both walked to the front of the store to pay for our food and drinks.

We sat down on the curb outside and I took the cap off of my drink, taking a sip while stretching out my legs. It was my favorite time of day - when the sun was just beginning to set and it wasn't too warm, but the sun was calming and comforting. It was even better sharing that time with the girl I was so in love with.

I took her hand in mine and rested it on my thigh, staring ahead at the empty parking lot, into the horizon. We sat in silence for a while before I opened my mouth to speak. "What's going to happen to us when we go to college?"

The silence was killing me and I couldn't take not knowing what would happen to us. Lynn looked over at me and then back to the sky. "I don't know."

I stared at her and I knew my chest was going to collapse into my body. That was all she had to say? She looked back at me and I immediately saw her face drop once she saw the tears in my eyes. "That's all you're going to say? That's all you have?" I cried, my throat closing up. That couldn't be all she had to say to me.

"I don't know what to say because I don't know what's going to happen. I don't even know if we'll be in the same state. I don't want to lose you, believe me. But life happens and we have to be prepared for what's ahead of us," she explained. I felt like there was a pit in my stomach as I sat up, leaving her sitting on the curb. I wiped a tear from my cheek and looked around.

"Um, I have to go," I lied, sniffing before taking a step away from her. "Alex, no, don't leave!" Lynn exclaimed. I didn't say anything, just walked out of the parking lot and wiped the tears from my eyes, trying to see where I was going. "Alex! Wait!" Lynn called out. I didn't stop for her, not for anything.

The worst part was that she didn't come after me. The girl who I was madly in love with seemed so far and so disinterested. And I knew what she was saying was completely true. But I couldn't accept that and no part of me was ready to hear what she said.

//

On the way home, I saw the familiar blue haired girl sitting on the swing at the park we first met at, a cigarette between her pink lips. I wiped my eyes and watched as her gaze fell on me, her smile fading as she realized the tears in my eyes. She stomped out her cigarette and stood up, hugging my tightly. "I'm sorry," was all she said, even though I hadn't said anything. I cried into her shoulder and held her close, torn apart at the seams because the person I loved the most didn't say what I wanted her to say.

How pathetic of me. I should have known what was going to happen. I should have been prepared. But after feeling nothing but pain for so long, and then meeting her...she was my sun. She made me smile and I couldn't live without her. I just couldn't. All I wanted was for her to be in my arms and I wasn't ready to ever let that go.

Ashley handed me a cigarette and I reached for her lighter eagerly, placing the cigarette between my lips and lighting it with shaky hands. I hadn't smoked much since we met, but this time I felt like I needed it. I needed that burning sensation in my throat to distract me.

I puffed out a cloud of smoke, blowing it toward the sky. I only took two more drags before putting it out on the soft skin of my wrist while Ashley was turned around. I flicked it onto the ground and pulled the sleeve of my jacket down to cover it up. "My house?" I wondered, hoping she would say yes. I needed somebody, anybody in that moment. And I know that was shitty of me to want to have her distract me. I wasn't using Ashley. I liked having her around and she was good company and she seemed to always understand the shit happening to me.

She nodded and we headed in the direction of my house. She handed me a piece of gum and got one out for herself as well, blowing several bubbles as she chewed on it. It took us longer than usual to get to my house, but my parents weren't home as usual, so I unlocked the door and led her inside, up to my room. She shut the door behind us and I hopped onto my bed that was pushed against the wall. It was always dark in my room now, except for when I turned on the lights.

I had duct taped my windows so that no light could come in. I don't know why. I just wanted to enjoy the solitude but when I thought about it, it made me look crazy. Ashley didn't seem to care and I watched as she sat down on my carpeted bedroom floor, flipping through an old comic book my dad had given to me when I was a kid.

Ashley was wearing a short jean jacket that showed her stomach and a hat, along with a pink skirt and boots. The freckles dotting her face were more prominent than usual and I realized how beautiful she was.

Then my mind drifted back to Lynn and what had happened earlier. My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket, checking my messages.

Lynn: can we talk?

Lynn: i didn't mean what i said i really didn't

I replied quickly, agreeing to talk. I was glad she didn't hate me because if she did, I don't know what I would do. What would I ever do without her by my side?

"Are you hungry?" I asked Ashley, who was reading the comic book she had found beneath my bed. She looked up at me and nodded, making me smile. "Let's go downstairs and find something to eat."

THIS CHAPTER IS BAD BUT OMG GUYS THE NEW PVRIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD I LITERALLY CRIED AND AHAHHAHA

ALSO HALSEY FIC IS COMING SOON ITS GONNA BE CO-WRITTEN SO LOOK OUT FOR THAT M8s IM HELLA EXCITED DONT ASK ME WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS CAUSE IDK ANYWAY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY I LOVE YOU ALL