It's more than fear, more than stress.
It melts my mind and implants its strings so it can be my puppeteer.
That's when the small lies crawl into my ears, talking to me in barely audible whispers.
They are easy to dismiss at first, but then they get louder and louder
soon I can't dismiss them anymore--an itch that never goes away.
"You annoy everyone"
"No one actually likes you"
"You're terrible at everything"
"What if?" -- there are too many to name
"But this terrible thing could happen!"
"Triple check everything!"
"You forgot to do this thing, I promise"
"Everyone's staring at you"
"Are you sure?"
"Be extra early for everything"
These are a few of the bugs that whisper to me, driving me mad with irrational fear
My heart pounds so loudly and rapidly--how don't people hear it?
can't eat because of the nausea, an overpowering poison
shaky hands make me clumsy "You fucking idiot! See? You do screw up everything!"
PANIC
PANIC
PANIC
I want to scream, cry, and bang my head against a wall--anything to make the bugs stop talking
but the puppeteer has paralyzed my limbs and vocal chords
I'm trapped inside my head and can't say anything.
People don't understand what I'm going through--
"you're just a kid"
or
"you're exaggerating"
It's dumb, I know this
there is no actual danger to me
it is irrational to think this way.
and yet
the puppeteer plays their everlasting torture game just for the hell of it (what a sadistic bastard)
because they know that they and they alone have total control over me
and I cannot fight back because the fear bug and the snake have completely drained my energy
YOU ARE READING
Monsters Inside My Head
PoetryWARNING: Some pieces may contain triggers for those who struggle with any form of depression or self harm. Please read with caution. I will often rearrange the chapters in the way I see fit, so please be patient and keep that in mind. This is my fir...
