The snake's poison is so painful this time,
usually it leaves me numb.
I need a distraction--some other kind of pain
I want to be in control again.
The snake squeezes tighter, tighter
I want to die.
I stare at my bare arms.
The puppeteer takes my hand and grabs something sharp
he brings the tool toward my skin
closer, closer.
Blood.
In a small stream it falls down my arm
I barely felt anything, but the pain was there.
Sweet release.
I no longer feel the poison, only the tool against my skin
and the blood.
I'm in control again
the only pain I feel will be the pain I choose for myself.
But the hollowness is still there,
nothing interests me
I just don't care
my energy is gone
food no longer has taste
everything is grey.
How are you still there?
...
I guess you never left.
The bugs whisper to me:
"Someone will find out!"
"You can't draw attention to yourself--you're not worth it"
"Gotta hide, gotta hide!"
Oh god how could I have been so stupid?
Everyone will notice!
I must hide
I must hide
I must hide
The poison never went away,
I just ignored it.
The snake and puppeteer are always there,
they will not ever leave.
Now I only have control in pain.
YOU ARE READING
Monsters Inside My Head
PoetryWARNING: Some pieces may contain triggers for those who struggle with any form of depression or self harm. Please read with caution. I will often rearrange the chapters in the way I see fit, so please be patient and keep that in mind. This is my fir...
