"You're so ugly." she says. "Nobody'll find you attractive"
I look in the mirror and cringe,
my view distorted by her words.
All I see are endless flaws
dark circles,
acne,
cracked lips,
dry skin,
dull brown eyes.
She's right.
"And you're fat too, you lazy fuck"
Dresses are my enemy
I can never quite fit.
Big arms,
large chest,
thick thighs,
wide hips.
It never looks right.
Correct again...
"You suck at math so you must be stupid"
Yes, that's right
everyone else can do it but me
I must be an idiot
only smart people can do math
"That person is better at you than this so now you're a total failure"
oh my god, you're right
She is prettier than me, I'm ugly
He is better at science than me, I'm dumb
They can sing better, I'm inferior
She has such a small waist, I'm fat
They have this talent and I don't, I'm such a loser
He has better grades than me, I'm not smart
my "talents" mean shit and I'm so inferior
"You're so fucking lazy--you're human trash"
But I don't have the energy to do anything
my body can't--won't move
I'm not in control.
I'm in the snake's control, its poison leaving me numb and wanting to die
my chest is heavy and hollow--everything is so bland and unappealing
Was it always this way?
I don't remember
the days blur together now
The puppeteer laughs and chants, whilst their bugs whisper frightening lies to me
my mind is a torturous circus, an endless display of flaws and fear
I hate myself!
I hate myself!
I hate myself!
"And rightfully so," she says. "You're not good at anything, and there's always someone better"
WHY DO YOU HATE ME?
"You're ugly''
I know
"You're fat"
Extremely fat
"You're not smart"
I'm so stupid
"You're powerless"
I am powerless
...
"Will you not fight me?
No, of course not
Because you can't win"
I cannot win
...
No, I cannot win
For she is me,
and I am nobody
YOU ARE READING
Monsters Inside My Head
PoetryWARNING: Some pieces may contain triggers for those who struggle with any form of depression or self harm. Please read with caution. I will often rearrange the chapters in the way I see fit, so please be patient and keep that in mind. This is my fir...
