Yes, there are days when I am ok,
when I do not hate myself as much--
her chatter silent--
when the fear is not so strong,
and the vampire is resting.
There are days when my chest is not so heavy--
how strange this feels.
Sometimes, I can indeed say "Today I'm ok."
If I can say this and truly mean it, then am I not really sick?
Am I, perhaps, just faking--
or simply weak?
If my sickness cannot be classified as "severe", then how can I claim to be?
Others have it so much worse than I--
how, then, can I claim to be suffering when I actually have it so well?
"You're not really sick"
"You're just doing it for attention"
"Your symptoms aren't that bad--stop complaining!"
"You can't really be sick if you feel fine today"
"You must be constantly suffering to be truly mentally ill"
"You're not even suicidal, how can you say you have depression?"
"You don't have panic attacks, so you don't really have anxiety"
These are the lies--
the doubt--
constantly swimming around in my mind.
I can no longer trust myself or my emotions.
Sometimes I think them true and dismiss my suffering
(I know this is unhealthy)
and ponder whether or not I am "sick enough" to truly call myself mentally ill.
Why am I treating this as a competition? I wonder
Suffering is suffering, no matter how "small" it seems.
Yes, this is what I have concluded
and I will repeat it as long as it takes for me to understand.
I'm ok, and that's perfectly fine.
YOU ARE READING
Monsters Inside My Head
PoetryWARNING: Some pieces may contain triggers for those who struggle with any form of depression or self harm. Please read with caution. I will often rearrange the chapters in the way I see fit, so please be patient and keep that in mind. This is my fir...
