My god I'm so needy sometimes--
how disgusting!--
I used to make fun of people like that.
I get so hooked on certain numbers defining me as
"good"
"a success"
"talented"
"smart"
"skinny/fat"
"beautiful," even--
it's like a drug.
I've become dependent on numerical validation.
Do I not realize how dangerous this can be? (Yes)
Do I even care? (Not enough to do anything)
Why have I become this way?
When did I start caring about numbers this way?
Why can't I love myself without the aid of numbers?
I've become addicted--
I always need
bigger,
higher,
better numbers
otherwise I'm a failure.
My identity is only in numbers--
nothing else.
Perhaps I'm just ironically vain.
(I actually hate myself, you see)
I feel terrible for being this way...
But, everyone wants to be validated--
that is quite plain to see.
We all seek comfort in numbers,
and it's destroying us.
YOU ARE READING
Monsters Inside My Head
PoetryWARNING: Some pieces may contain triggers for those who struggle with any form of depression or self harm. Please read with caution. I will often rearrange the chapters in the way I see fit, so please be patient and keep that in mind. This is my fir...
