Oh how easy it would be--
how easy indeed--
for me to simply throw myself off this wall and drown in the deep water.
How easy it would be for me to slash my wrists with this knife,
to bleed deep red until I no longer breathe.
So simple it would be--
yes, how simple--
to drive my car into a ditch and be done,
all the pain of the snake gone, gone forever.
I long to end this suffering,
but, oh so strangely,
these thoughts of mine,
they are oh so subtle.
Yes, how sly those clever bastards are--
I see how you do your master's bidding--
do not think you can hide;
I know exactly what you are trying to do.
Yes, I want to die,
to no longer exist--
endless sleep.
But no, you shan't win.
Because to die is easy;
it is to surrender.
And to live,
oh, to live this life,
is quite hard--
yes, hard indeed--
it is not for the faint of heart.
Living is for those who fight;
it is the hardest thing you will ever do.
No one knows this better than I,
and often, yes, I wish to die--
to be free at last.
The small voices say:
Just jump. No one will care.
You could drown and it wouldn't matter.
Walk in front of that car--would that not be better than living?
Crawl into the darkness and die.
Just die. It will make you feel better.
I know they are wrong,
I know these thoughts are stupid--
mere tricks--
but oh how enticing their message is sometimes.
l find myself slipping into their darkness--
into their trap.
But his kind words,
his arms around me,
his kiss--
yes, he saves me.
He tells me I am beautiful
and he truly means it.
He knows of my inner demons--
he does not care,
because he loves me.
But even with all this love,
I sometimes wanna die
****
Author's Note: I know I marked this "story" as complete, but I recently got inspired and decided to keep this collection of drabbles ongoing. Let me know what you think! I know it's really dark--the subject of this poem, I mean--but I wanna say to those who struggle with depression, BPD, or any other mental illness that your suffering/feelings are valid and that it does get better. I love you guys, and thanks for all your support! <3
YOU ARE READING
Monsters Inside My Head
PoetryWARNING: Some pieces may contain triggers for those who struggle with any form of depression or self harm. Please read with caution. I will often rearrange the chapters in the way I see fit, so please be patient and keep that in mind. This is my fir...
