Monsters Inside My Head

In His Arms - My Safe Haven

With our fingers laced together,

I feel nothing can hurt me.

When you hold me in your arms, it is there that forever I long to stay--

please do not go;

let me forever lay here with you,

your arms wrapped around me.

You are so warm and soft,

like a thick blanket on a cold day--

I feel safe.

Do not remove your arms from around my waist,

for feeling your body against mine is the greatest pleasure there is.

Kiss me gently and slowly;

I yearn to show you how much I love you.

You make me so fucking happy--

I do not deserve this.

You are so kind and sweet to me,

but I'm so fucked up--

so messy inside.

Why?--

how?--

how can you love someone like me?

Why do you love someone like me?

I am worthless--

a nobody.

I do not deserve your kindness and love.

And yet, when I say this to you, you smile and say

"Yes, you are worthy. You do deserve kindness, because you are so mean to yourself."

I do not understand how you can think and feel this way,

but I still love you and am oh so grateful for your gentleness and patience.

And, perhaps, I can learn to love myself as you love me,

with you by my side and these *new blue pills--

though they cannot completely fix everything.

Yes, I can learn to love myself (ever so slowly).

But on those days when I cannot,

please hold me,

and in your arms is where I shall stay--

you are my safe haven.

~ ~ ~

*this refers to my depression/anxiety meds