Monsters Inside My Head

Scared of Loving You - Too Broken

Inspired by This Is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco.

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Loving you is scary, my dear,

because to love, one must be open and vulnerable.

I can be neither of those things--

no, not so easily.

Paranoia makes it so hard to trust anyone,

though my lips are loose and spill (my) secrets oh so easily to you.

I know you mean me no harm, my dear, but sometimes I get scared.

I'm scared that I trust you too easily,

that I'm far too open about the darkness inside me,

that I'm too broken to love you as you deserve,

that, perhaps, I am attracted just to the attention and kindness,

that what I feel isn't what I think I feel.

Please know that none of this is true--

I swear that I'm not using or misleading you.

I'm just so scared of loving you, my dear.

Despite my distant demeanor,

I'm actually made of glass inside--

some pieces of me already broken.

How, then, can I love you without breaking?

I'm so fragile--

much more than I'd like to admit--

that I dare not love,

dare not open myself up to anyone.

Except to you, my dear.

Why?

Why is it that I have chosen to be vulnerable with you?

What is it about you that makes me feel so at ease?

Tell me,

am I wrong to feel scared, to doubt?

Am I too broken to love you?

(I can't even hardly love myself)

Then why do I continue to stay with you?

Goddammit I shouldn't be so scared--

scared of loving you.

Forgive me, my dear, for my doubt,

and for my fear.

Please, be patient with me.

I just fear that I'm too broken to love,

or be loved.

My dear, I'm so scared of loving you.