Barely Breathing//Ethis

5||

Ethan's point of view:

It's been a couple of days since the Chris incident went public and part of me is mad at him for even going to that stupid party when he knew perfectly well that we had to rehearse and theta there was a lot at stake. But he had to go and jeopardise everything we could have had. Sure Jakob can keep on being persistent and optimistic about the whole situation but all of us know that this is one of the worst things that could have happened right now. We are already under fire by the judges and adults around Australia calling us just another boy band or a group of teenage boys and now they're going to see us as troublemakers, players, boys that only want one thing from girls. Then again the other part of me, I don't even know what the other part of me is feeling. I'm worried about him, we all are because he's been locked away in his room this entire time and he won't come out for anything, not to eat, not to record, not to actually socialise with us, his family and not even for any of the fans, and it's tearing us all apart. From what I can hear he's mostly been crying, he's been distant and hiding things, he won't let anyone see him either. Jakob's worried about him and if I'm honest some of me is too, it's obvious he's not coping and that's why he's shutting us out. He doesn't want to put any more pressure on all of us.

"C'mon Chris, please" Jakob tries for what must be the tenth time today and for what is the tenth time today he is met with silence on Chris' behalf.

"Jakob give it a rest!" I yell annoyed, everyone is so focused on Chris right now that they don't know that others around them aren't coping just as much, particularly me. I don't know but maybe that's why I'm so hostile towards Chris, we are the same. We understand each other on different levels. I honestly don't see how this band thing is going to work out, all we do is fight or are in the media for all of the wrong reasons and none of it's good for any of us.

Chris' point of view:

It won't stop, I don't what to do. More and more floods in by the second and it's making me sick, physically and mentally. There are all sorts of rumours flying around, they're saying that I got that girl from the party pregnant, that I have AIDS, I take drugs and all sorts of other terrible things that are definitely not true. I'm not like that and it seems like I'm the only person that can see that right now.
I've posted on every social media site I have explaining as much as I can, mostly that it isn't true. I have told them everything they need to know about the little incident that had been blown up and distorted. Some people believe me, others refuse to. Whereas most give me hate regardless. I know I could ignore it or ask someone to help me but I don't think it'll work, I can handle this myself, I can only depend on myself. I'm trying my hardest to please everyone but things like this still seem to happen to me and I don't know what I have done to deserve a single thing. In a split decision I dash from my room and to the bathroom, making sure I'm as quiet as possible, I don't want anyone to come looking and asking questions. I've never been a very good lier but nowadays I seem to be getting better at it.
Once I'm inside the safety of the locked bathroom I do what I always do lately; I throw up. This has become a daily routine and I know it's self destructive and horrid but I can't bring myself to stop because at the end of the day, the bad thoughts are louder than the good ones, overpowering them.

"Chris?" I hear Ethan asks knocking on the door from outside the bathroom, oh crap.

I don't say anything and I try to stay quiet, even if he tries to open the door it's locked Ethan seems to have a knack for picking locks. By staying quiet it eventually works and I wait until I hear his footsteps as he walks away. I pull myself up and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I really do look terrible. I'm so disgusting, I can barely look at myself without wanting to burst out crying.
I wipe my eyes and brush my teeth trying to compose myself and calmly walk from the bathroom and back to my small, boring room.
These four walls know more secrets than I'd like to have.
I sit on my desk chair and pull my phone out from my pocket, I know I really shouldn't but I log onto Instagram and begin to scroll through all the comments that have come in just this hour.

"Pig"

"Surprised you found someone that would fuck your ugly ass"

"You're pathetic"

Why are they doing this? I have explained, done all I can. Haven't I?
I already felt terrible before all of this occurred and now this piled on top of what was going on before is slowly breaking me.
A few days ago I came to the conclusion, the horrible conclusion to hurt myself.
I know it's a terrible thing to resort to but I didn't and I don't know what else to do. The boys and the fans won't notice because I made the decision to cut on my thighs because that's where they don't check. They'll check your wrists but not your thighs.
I shut my phone off and let out a sigh, they're all right. I deserve everything that I have been getting lately.

"Chris," Jakob starts "Ethan and I are going to order some pizza and just have a normal night, wanna come?" He asks hopefully

"Go away" I reply coldly.

A/N: I don't this chapters weird but I have some big stuff coming out