Barely Breathing//Ethis

98||

RE UPLOADING AGAIN PLS WATTPAD

Chris' point of view:

"Chris, Baby wake up" Ethan whispers running a hand through my hair and for a second I forget where we are. Only a second.

I lift my head from his chest and squint my eyes up at him.

"I love you so so much" I mumble resting my head back on his chest and wrapping my arms around him

"I love you too" he replies wrapping his arms around me like I did with him "more than anything"

"Why'd you do it Ethan?" I ask quietly "why'd you try to leave me?"

His grip around me tightens and he breathes in deeply.

"Breathing is so hard, baring the weight of everything that's happened makes it harder. I can't do it any longer, it all just got too much." He tells me as best he can, his voice cracks the tiniest bit though.

"You can get help, I can help you Ethan. You can do this, you're not meant to die this young. You're meant to go on with your life and do great things, you can overcome this, the doctors will help you." I rest my chin on his chest and look up into his eyes.

"I don't know Chris. I don't think I can do anything without you and it's scary, it's scary because when you're not with me my mind screams. You, being here with me makes them quiet. But lately, that hasn't been enough. Lately my thoughts have been screaming non stop, it's torture. Right now they're almost completely silent and I don't know if it's you being here or all these drugs they gave me but this is the most peaceful I've been in weeks."

"Bub, I'm here for you, I'm always here for you. I don't know how many times I have to tell you" I sigh

"I'm really scared Chris. The doctor said that I have to stay here for a few weeks and I have to talk to this psychologist here, they'll want to know what made me do this and I don't want to talk about Jeremy, or Dad, or all the hate." He tells me, he sounds scared.

"Maybe you won't have to, maybe you can avoid it altogether. Whatever happens, it'll be okay." I comfort him

"I think the reason why I got so bad so quickly is because I kept it all bottled up inside me for so long, I pretended that nothing was wrong when in reality that's all I was thinking about." He says quietly

"I love you, I love you, I love you." I mumble into his chest, all of this is making me emotional. Ethan talking to me and telling me all these things, lying on his chest listening to his heartbeat and simply being here with him.

I cry silently into his chest, his shirt is immediately damp.

"No, no, please don't cry, please Baby no" he says desperately, he runs his hand up and down my back slowly, it immediately soothes me but I don't stop crying.

"You just mean so much to me, I can't lose you. You're the only reason I'm even here. I don't know what I would do without you Eth" I tell him through my tears

"I'm here, aren't I? And like you said: the doctors are going to help me. I'm sorry I hurt you and that you had to find me the way I was. I promise I'm going to fix this, I'm going to fix everything. I'm tired of everything but most of all I'm tired of hurting you like this." He softly strokes my hair

"You're the bravest person I know Bub."

"I'm going to need you Chris, more than I ever have. I know that these next few weeks are going to be tough. And-and there's something I have to tell you, not now though. I'm not ready now."

I bury my head further into his chest at this.

"I'm here. I'm always here."

"How did you do it Chris?" He asks after a moment "how are you happy? How did you overcome your sadness and why can't I?"

I rest my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat for a few seconds.

"I had you."

The door to Ethan's room opens and we're both startled when a nurse walks in. She stares at us for a moment before she speaks:

"You." She points to me "out."

I go to move but Ethan stops me so I sit beside him, he still has an arm around my waist and he has no intention of letting go.

"He's staying." Ethan says firmly, his eyes becoming darker as he looks the nurse in the eye

"You have ten minutes." The nurse responds leaving the room

Ethan breathes out loudly "I think that was the only time that I have stood up for myself and been listened to" he smiles sadly

I lean over and press my lips to his cheek, I brush away some of the hair that has fallen over his face and smile.

He smiles too but it fades as his eyes wander down to his arm. He goes to pull at it but I put my hand over his gently stopping him from doing so.

"Not just yet Bear" I whisper, he nods and retracts his hand but he keeps his eyes low

"I think you're beautiful just the way you are, okay?" I tilt his chin up with my finger and his eyes meet mine

His eyes are filled with tears and I feel my heart sink, he was okay only a few seconds ago.

"Can you just kiss me, please?" He whispers closing his eyes and leaning in, I lean in that little bit further and his lips connect with mine in a slow kiss. He cups my cheek with his hand and caresses it slowly.

He pulls away and wipes the tears from his eyes.

"You make the pain more bearable, please don't ever leave me" he whispers.