Barely Breathing//Ethis

14||

Chris' point of view:

"I just think you need to go slow Chris, one of you is bound to get hurt" Jakob argues

"Can you keep it down?!" I whisper shout "I am taking it slow, the last thing I want is for one of us to get hurt, we need each other right now." I reply just as Ethan appears at the doorway

"Hey guys, we're ready to go" he smiles leaving as quickly as he came.

Standing up, I follow Ethan out to the car with Jakob trailing behind. We have to go to the studio today to at least try to practise for our week four live performance of Demons by Imagine Dragons, this song means a lot to me because it describes what I've been going through lately, I just hope that I can do it justice.

Finally pulling up outside the massive black building we all get out saying our goodbyes to Jakob's mum because she had driven us. Making our way through the big double doors and I can already feel the excitement in the atmosphere, however I can't help but feel nervous, it's Saturday which means we only have two days to organise how we are actually going to sing the song and then perform it on stage. We head straight to the backstage lounge where we are met with all the other contestants who all shout some form of hello at us.

"Hey Chris what's up man?" Big T smiles pulling me into a bro hug

"Yeah not much" I smile walking past him

"Hi Chris, how are you?" Georgia asks standing up from the couch to hug me

"Uh, good?" I reply but it comes out as more of a question, Georgia barely ever talks to me

"That's good, I'm always here if you wanna talk" she says sitting back down.

Okay, something's up. Do they know? Someone must have told them.

"Jakob," I whisper pulling him aside "do you think they know why we haven't been here?"

"We had to tell them Chris" he answers calmly

"What if they've told other people? The fans." I say starting to worry

"We made them all promise not to and if they have, we would know about it by now" he says patting my shoulder

"Yeah I guess you're right" I say not feeling much at all reassured, they're going to treat me differently because of it.

Scanning the room I see one or two people looking at me and of course when I catch them looking they immediately look away, I hate this. I hate knowing that people worry about me. I eventually spot Ethan sat alone in the far corner of the room on a stool, he's doing the same as I am; watching. I walk over to him pulling up another stool and sitting beside him, he looks at me with dull eyes and says nothing.

"What's wrong?" I ask wanting desperately to hold his hand, but I know I can't, not with everyone here.

"There's all these people in the room and not one of them has noticed me" he mumbles

"I noticed you." I tell him wanting even more now to just hold him in my arms and make everything okay.

"In Stereo to the stage, In Stereo to the stage." A voice sounds over the loud speaker and I turn to see Jakob waving us over. I get up from the stool and join Jakob with Ethan trailing slowly behind.

I try my best to keep the negative thoughts at bay but they just seem to come crawling back once we get to the stage, just knowing that if we go home, it's my fault.

"Chris pay attention" Guy says snapping me out of my thoughts

"S-sorry what?" I ask shaking my head and focusing on him

"It's your line." He says slightly annoyed, I wrack my brain for the line I'm supposed to sing but I can't seem to remember it for the life of me

"Chorus starting line" Ethan mutters quietly

"Don't get too close it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide." I sing hoping it sounds even close to okay, unfortunately it doesn't.

Guy signals for the band to stop and he turns to face us and he sighs.

"Chris," he starts looking at me "look I know you've been going through a rough time lately but I really need you to focus right now, we've got two days to do this." He tells me, and it honestly just makes me mad, a 'rough time' he had the nerve to say what I'm going through is a 'rough time'

"A rough time?! A rough time?!" I say full of rage

"Chris." Jakob says as a warning to back down but I'm fuming.

"You go and call me trying to kill myself a rough time? What if I had succeeded? Would you still call it a rough time?" I yell at him not caring that I'm yelling at a worldwide known mega celebrity that could end is with the snap of a finger.

"You're telling me to focus but how am I supposed to when the only thing I can think of is how I still want to kill myself, how fame has ruined me, of ways to hide that I'm dying inside. I know that I've ruined every chance we could have had and believe me I'm beating myself up about it everyday but the one thing I regret the most, more than anything, is auditioning for this stupid fucking show!" I yell, no scream. I glance at Jakob and Ethan to see they both have the same gobsmacking expression.

I walk past Guy and backstage grabbing my bag and everything else I brought with me. I rush past everyone else, some of them giving me odd looks but none of them work up the courage to say anything to me.

I half expected Ethan to come running after me but, he doesn't.