Barely Breathing//Ethis

6||

Chris' point of view:

"Chris!" Jakob exclaims embracing me in a hug, obviously overjoyed that I have finally emerged from my room only after about three days of keeping myself cooped up inside.

"Uh h-hi Ethan" I stutter nervously, dammit Chris why do you have to be so nervous?

"Chris." He says not meeting my gaze, why's he treating me as if this is all my fault? It isn't, is it?

The way he said my name made my heart drop because he's one of the only people I hope to please and he's just discarding my feelings like they are nothing but the dirt beneath his shoes. I walk from the room and I run upstairs, unfortunately Jakob quickly races after me. He follows me into my room however he doesn't say anything like I thought he would so I fish through my draws looking for the little box that contains my razors completely ignoring Jakob staring at me.

"Please get out" I say eventually looking at him to see him staring directly back at me with an intriguing gaze like he's trying to understand what thoughts are racing through my head,

"No, not until you tell me what's going on with you." He says stubbornly

"What's going on with me? Nothing, I'm perfectly fine, okay? Now get out." I reply quickly wanting him out of my room as soon as possible so I can do what has now become a habit, a bad habit that I wish I never had in the first place.

"Bullshit I don't believe that, tell me the truth Chris" he persists waiting for a good enough answer

"The truth? The truth is that I don't know what to do anymore, everyone hates me Jakob can't you see that? I'm not good enough. I mess everything up, I always have. I hope you're happy now because that makes one of us, get out." I say him getting slightly annoyed, he's distracting me.

"There's something else isn't there?" He asks not budging

"No" I reply shifting my gaze to the floor

"Don't lie to me" he says sighing

"I-I," I start, I know I can't tell him the truth. I don't know how he'll react "I'm just stressed about the show that's all" I lie, I look up at him and see he's deep in thought processing my answer, whether he believes it or not.

"It's okay Chris we all are but we just have to believe we can do this and try our best" he smiles finally leaving the room.

Much to my surprise a few minutes later Ethan walks in.

"I'm sorry for being so rude" he apologises leaning against the doorway

"It doesn't matter, I would be too." I reply sitting on my bed

"No it's not, I've just had a lot on my mind lately and I guess I lashed out at you." He says coming to sit next to me, as he sits his hand brushes against mine and I swear for a split second I felt butterflies but then he pulled away almost as if he were afraid.

"Yeah I get it, I kinda just did the same to Jakob," I tell him scratching the back of my neck awkwardly "what's been on your mind? Is that why you were up that late the other night?" I ask hoping he'll tell me his secret and then maybe I'll tell him mine.

"Yeah it was, but it doesn't matter now because I'm all good." He says smiling, fake

"What about you?" He asks turning to face me

"Well beside the constant hate, anxiety and pressure I'm fantastic" I mumble softly

"I thought your anxiety was getting better" Ethan states

"It's not, it's really not," I tell him fiddling with my hands "I can't do anything"

"Is that why you barely come out your room?" He asks starting to catch on
I nod, "I can't face anyone, they're all so disappointed in me Ethan they hate me"

"No one hates you" he tries

"People are making it pretty clear on social media" I reply quietly

"Hey, don't read that stuff" he says

"How can I not? It's all there is; hate. No one likes me" I say swallowing the lump in my throat

"I like you" he tells me and I look up almost in shock that he can even tolerate me little own still like me, he smiles and looks away shaking his head lightly.

"I don't" I whisper lowering my head
"What?" He ask snapping back to look at me

"Oh nothing. So rock week, how do you think we'll go?" I ask changing the subject

"I think we'll be great as long as we try our hardest and I guess it really depends on what Guy gives us but we have the determination. We'll be right" he smiles reassuringly, his smile is perfect I swear. His teeth are perfectly straight not to mention they're as white as clouds. They're almost mesmerising.

"So I already know the answer but I'm going to ask anyway; I'm gonna go back downstairs and make sure Jakob isn't burning the house or something would you like to come with me, please?" He asks pleadingly

"I'll pass, I don't want any of the adults giving me yet another lecture about something I didn't do and something I would never do, at least not at this age. I can't face them Ethan." I say watching his face drop slightly with each word that escapes my lips.

"Can I at least get a hug" he asks filling with hope all over again

"Why not?" I half laugh standing up to give him a hug, he wraps his arms tightly around me squeezing softly letting out a little laugh and for some strange reason the butterflies return and no matter how much I try to bury them or push them aside they don't seem to go away until Ethan finally pulls away from the hug leaving me missing his touch.