Barely Breathing//Ethis

22||

Ethan's point of view:

"He's finally gone." Jakob sighs resuming his place back in front of me, I'm not looking at him but I know that he's staring at me, I can feel his eyes watching me, studying every feature about me probably trying to figure out how he can help me.

"Jake, I can't help but feel that this is my fault" I say breaking the silence and letting my gaze fall upon the ground in shame, maybe if I hadn't of done something it might not have happened.

"It's not Ethan, you have no control over what someone does to you" he replies in an attempt to make me feel better, but it doesn't and I almost instantly shudder, what someone does to me. It makes it sound so dirty, it makes me feel so dirty. I feel so violated. I can't believe I let him do that to me, what would've happened if I didn't stop him? If he didn't stop when I slapped him? Would it have angered him? Would it have made him do something worse?

I pull my legs up and hug them to my chest resting my chin on my knees, I bring a hand up to my neck running my fingertips down my neck lightly; where I know the hickeys are. He didn't care that he was hurting me, he didn't care that I wanted him to stop. I bury my head into my knees not wanting Jakob to see me cry yet again. I've already done too much crying for my liking.

As if he senses this, Jakob is by my side in seconds but he says nothing, he reaches out a hand and places it on my shoulder and I immediately tense at his touch, but he doesn't remove his hand. Instead he cautiously slides it across my back slowly pulling me into a hug, at first I don't move or react, but after a few seconds I lift my head wrapping my arms tightly around his torso gripping onto him for dear life.

"It's going to be okay" he says over my shoulder trying to give me a little bit of reassurance and maybe even a little bit of hope.

"It doesn't feel like it's going to be okay," I mumble truthfully "it feels like the walls are closing in on me and nothing is ever going to be okay again. I don't understand why these things are going this way and what I did to deserve it. I feel disgusting Jake."

Jakob pulls away and we then sit in silence for a few minutes and I assume it's because Jakob is trying to figure out something to say.

"You did absolutely nothing to deserve what happened and I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now but I do know that it will be okay, maybe not today or tomorrow but eventually it will and until then, I'll be here. I won't leave you." He finally replies, and this time it's me that says nothing for a while because I'm not sure if he's right.

I can't stop thinking about what happened. I can still feel Chris' hands and his lips on me, I can still smell the unfamiliar smell as if it's permanent and I can still hear his taunting words echoing loud and clear in my mind making me feel worse.

"What if when I go back, he tries to do something like that again?" I ask growing scared that he will do the same thing or maybe even something more than that.

"He wouldn't dare try and do something again or he'll have to deal with me, I won't let him touch you" Jakob says looking me in the eyes, deadly serious. I'm glad I have a friend like Jakob.

I attempt to smile a thank you but I probably fail miserably, you're supposed to smile when you're happy. And I'm not.

"It's getting pretty late, do you want to stay in the spare room tonight?" Jakob asks dismissing my awkwardness.

"Uh, yes, thank you. I think I'll just stay down here for a bit if that's okay with you" I reply bluntly

"I can stay with you if you want me to" he suggests but I shake my head, he's obviously tired and he needs to rest. I've dumped a lot of things on him today. He nods before standing up and walking from the room but not before glancing one last time back at me as if he was checking that I was still okay with him leaving.

I sit in complete silence not thinking about anything but somehow at the same time, thinking about everything. Everything that happened today and everything that has happened recently.

I want to scream, I want to burst into tears, I want to kill myself but all I can do is stare blankly at the wall in front of me in complete silence because I know that Jakob is asleep upstairs.

A/N:

MERRY CHRIS-MAS EVERYONE!
I hope you're all having and have had a lovely day and I hope you got everything you wanted and more because you're all so amazing and kind and you deserve so much.
I love you all and once again, MERRY CHRIS-MAS