Barely Breathing//Ethis

94||

Chris' point of view:

I heard everything. I open the door to Ethan's room completely enraged. Not at Ethan or Jakob but at the fact that the world keeps punishing one of the most innocent people I know when he's done absolutely nothing wrong.

Ethan is looking at me and he just looks so scared.

"How could this happen?" I say falling to my knees "you don't deserve this!"

I want to scream, but I won't. I want to punch something; someone in particular but that would hurt Ethan so I can't do that. I cover my face with my hands and sit back on my feet, this isn't fair.

I hadn't noticed I was crying until a tear splatters onto the carpet beneath me. I hear movement but I don't look up.

"Chris.." Ethan says placing a hand on my shoulder, I pull him into a hug. I hold onto him for dear life, probably the tightest hug he's ever received. All I want to do is keep him safe.

I fall back and take him with me, both of us lie there and he slowly snakes his arms around my waist. My shirt is wet with tears and I know he's crying too.

"I am so sorry." He cries tightening his grip on me

I stroke his hair with one of my hands and hold him even closer to me.

Jakob is still here, sitting on Ethan's bed. I wouldn't say it's awkward, it's just silent.

I can't stop crying, I'm more angry than I am sad I think. Why do these things have to happen to the kindest person in the world? Why can't he see that none of it could ever be his fault?

"Uh guys I hate to ruin the moment but Ethan you're getting a ton of messages." Jakob says picking up Ethan's phone

"No, don't" Ethan says trying to sit up as he reaches out to take his phone from Jakob

"Why do you keep getting so many messages?" He asks still holding Ethan's phone

"Just give me my phone Jakob."

"Ethan what's going on?" Jakob asks trying to unlock Ethan's phone

"It's nothing-"

"Please" I cut in

He sighs and lies back down in my arms.

"Just James." He mumbles

"The James that was choking and threatening you today?" Jakob says obviously

"He's just been sending me all these photos he's getting from Jeremy, no big deal." Ethan sighs sitting up and untangling himself from me

I slowly sit up and place my hand on his back, crossing my legs. He does the same and Jakob joins us on the floor sitting across from us.

"I mean I guess I'm okay, I'm just used to everything now. I know I'll be happy eventually, soon."

We're all silent for a few seconds.

"You know," I break the silence and they both look at me "I've been really good about myself lately"

Ethan leans his head on my shoulder and I smile.

"My grandma is sick" Jakob's voice is quite

"What? When? Why didn't you tell us?"

"A month ago now, probably. You guys have a lot to deal with, I didn't want to add to it." He says creasing out the lines in his shorts, avoiding both Ethan and I's eyes. "It opened my eyes in a way. I never realised how much I would miss her if she was actually gone, how much not seeing her would hurt me. But I guess with time I'll learn to accept it, as you do with most things."

"I really appreciate you guys so much, I can't even describe it." Ethan pipes up "I can't really thank you enough for all the things you've done for me, and I know that. I really love you guys and I hope you know that. You're my best friends and you've both made me the happiest I could possibly be. I don't want you to forget that."

I move my hand up his back and I pull him that little bit closer to me and I kiss his temple.

"Sometimes," Jakob says quietly "sometimes I feel like the fans don't like me as much as they like you guys. Or anyone we meet in general. They always bring up the things you guys have done with singing and I'm left out of the conversation. Other times people completely turn their back on me and ignore me, I don't think all of its intentional but it hurts just the same."

"How could anyone not like you, Jake? You bring the energy to the band. You're caring and you notice the fans more than any of us."

He shrugs.

"My parents have been fighting a lot lately." I sigh, Ethan moves to look at me with a look of shock "they've been fighting a lot because they're so stressed. They have so many things they need to deal with and sort out and they're running out of time. Lots of bills apparently I don't know, they won't tell me much."

Ethan pouts and changes his position to rest his head on my lap. He grabs my hand and runs it through his hair, I get the message and I continue running my hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry Chris." Ethan says "I know that most of it's probably because of me and all the things your parents have done for me and I want you to tell them that I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant for them to loose a friend, I never meant for them to have to pay for a lawyer that I didn't even use and I'm sorry that you're gay."

"Hey no ones blaming you, you don't have to be sorry for anything. They were more than happy to help you and they know just how much you mean to me, which is a lot. I love you okay?"

"I love you too. I never want to forget this feeling." He says closing his eyes