Barely Breathing//Ethis

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Chris' point of view:

I'm sit on Ethan's bed taking in deep breaths, deep breaths of him. I'd breathe him in everyday if I could, but he's not here.

I hold in my palms his blades, as much as it pains me to see the little flakes of dried blood on them it is awfully tempting.

I miss him so much that it's making me want to do bad things to myself again. I know I shouldn't because I really was getting better and that was all because of him, but now he's not here and I'm falling apart all over again.

"No, don't you dare, there's no way I'm letting you do that ever again." Jakob's voice startles me, he walks over to me and takes all the blades from me and he sits beside me.

"I miss him so much" I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder

"I do too" he agrees with a nod

"He's at Lara's," I blurt out "I called Lara and she told me, I went over but they weren't there, I found another one of Ethan's blades in his bag he had there."

"Oh." He says shocked

"I want to help him but I don't know how" I sigh sadly

"Do exactly what he did for you, give him no other choice" he advises, standing up

"And how am I supposed to do that?" I ask, with no enthusiasm whatsoever

"You fight for him, if he can't find a reason to stay alive, give him one." He tells me firmly

"Maybe we should take a break from this whole EP and single writing, it's stressing all of us out and I think that we all need a bit of a break." I suggest, hoping that Jakob will agree with me

"If that's what it takes to get Ethan back then that's what we're going to do" he agrees pulling out his phone and dialling what I assume must be Owen's phone number.

Ethan's point of view:

"I just can't leave you alone can I?" Lara sighs closing the cupboard

"Sorry" I mumble, keeping my head low and swinging my legs from where I sit on the counter

"I'm not mad at you-"

"You're just disappointed, I get that a lot" I cut her off

"No," she turns to face me "I'm worried" she corrects me

"I'm sorry" I apologise again going to scratch my arm where she just bandaged it but she stops me

"No, I did not just tackle you and get you to let me bandage your arm for you to open the cuts and make them bleed again" she says keeping her voice soft and calm

"I don't know what to do anymore," my voice cracks and I feel tears prick the corners of my eyes "I'm not getting any better. I thought I would if I distanced myself from Chris but I'm not and I just want to turn off my emotions because fuck, I'm so tired of feeling like this."

"You're going to get better, I promise" she pulls herself up and sits beside me on the counter

"Everyone says that"

"It will happen" she assures me with a smile

"You know, when we were touring with The Voice Kids? He made me do all these things, sometimes with people around. He would sit beside me on the bus and he'd put his hand on my leg and he'd slowly move it up. I couldn't do anything about it, if I moved his hand away he would just put it back and make me even more uncomfortable. One time when he came into the bus and I was the only one there, he started taunting me and saying all these things he knew would scare me, I begged him to knock me out or drug me, kill me even, but he didn't. And I had to go through everything all over again." I don't know why I'm telling her but now I'm in complete tears and I don't know how she can understand a word I'm saying.

She helps me off the counter and we manage to make it to the couch before I need to sit down again.

"It's alright Eth, can you tell me some of what he said?" She asks letting me rest my head on her arm

"H-he said that because I was older than the first time he had new things to teach me. I remember backing away as far as I could but he followed me. We had these curtains at that you could close so you could have privacy, he closed them and I started crying, so-so he hit me. And you can probably work out what happened after that." I shudder, gripping onto her jumper and holding a tiny part of it in my fist.

"How did you not tell anyone about this until this year?" She asks

"I didn't think I could" I mumble looking at my hands

"You always can, silly" she replies taking my hand and entwining our fingers

"I know I can, with you. I can't with Chris, I care about what he thinks about me the most. He's the only one I worry about telling these things really, I end up feeling bad for not telling him, I can't win." I sigh

"The sooner you realise that he loves you and he's still going to love you no matter what you say, the better off you'll be" she tells me

"I can't tell him anymore, I can't even go back there. How am I supposed to go back? He needs to fix himself too, he's still broken and I'm not helping him get better. That's all I want, I want him to be happy, even if I'm not."

A/N: hey guys so I know this is pretty short and all pls forgive me. Anyway I'm going to the first show of in stereos tour on the first, in Melbourne and I'm thinking of videoing everything like a vlog and then putting it on my YouTube channel so would you guys want to watch it if I did? You'd probably get to see me kill a bunch of my internet friends so that's cool.

*winks* byEEEEEE