Barely Breathing//Ethis

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Chris' point of view:

The doctors brought Ethan into his room and laid him on his bed. They told me it might take some time before he wakes up. I have to tell them.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask one of the doctors

"What is it?" He asks giving me his full attention

"There's something that Ethan hasn't told you and I think it'd help you better understand a few things about him if I told you, you could help him more." I explain "um how do I put this? Ethan's been mistreated in the past, he has trust issues because of it. The nurses know but I'm not sure if you do, Ethan has these terrible nightmares that are like flashbacks, the only time he sleeps peacefully is... When I'm with him. He's still traumatised from what I had to go through. You have to understand that you can't hold him down like you did before, he'll completely freak out, he'll think you'll want to hurt him. He'll think you want to take advantage of him. It's sad, but this is just the way Ethan is now. I just needed you to know this because I know Ethan wasn't going to tell you. I need you to help him."

"Oh." Is all the doctor replies with, then he leaves

I sigh and go back to sit in the chair beside Ethan's bed.

"I'm sorry Bub," I whisper to him "I just don't think I know how to help you anymore"

I take his hand and give it a light squeeze. I really wanted to believe that he could be okay, but he's not and I'm starting to doubt whether he truly will be.

"Chris" Ethan's voice startles me

"Hey Bub" I say softly

"Oh god" he breathes out, as if he just remembered all the events from before. He runs a hand through his hair and clenches his fist.

"Why're you angry?" I ask, confused

"I'm angry at myself." He explains "I'm sorry that had to happen, I'm sorry that you don't trust me"

"I do trust you."

"Then why are you going to my sister instead of coming to me, your boyfriend?" He props himself up with his elbow to look at me

"I would have gone to you if you were there, Bub."

"Right" he goes quiet, but only for a moment "are Jakob and Tahlia still here?"

"They're outside." I confirm "do you want to see them?"

"Not like this" he mutters shaking his head

"I'll tell them they can go" I stand from my chair and make my leave Ethan's room.

Tahlia and Jakob immediately rush towards me.

"Is he okay?" Tahlia asks, her face and voice both showing worry

"Yes, he's okay. But he doesn't feel up to seeing either of you anymore." I explain sadly.

"Oh okay" Tahlia's face falls with either sadness or disappointment, maybe both.

"You can visit another time, this has just been a bad day." I sigh, feeling just as bad as they probably do.

"I guess we'll go then?" Jakob says, but it comes out as more of a question.

I nod, "I better get back to Ethan." I turn back to Ethan's door and prepare to enter the room "thanks for coming"

I walk into Ethan's room and now he's in bed, under the covers rather than on top of them.

"I'm sorry Chris" Ethan mumbles

"Don't be" I speak, I walk over to his bed and kneel down. I rest my arms on the mattress and smile at Ethan.

"I love you" he smiles rather sleepily

"I love you too Bear"

"I don't think I'm going to be leaving soon anymore," he sighs "I didn't mean to lash out like that, now there's no way I'm going to be out by your birthday. And that, is so disappointing."

"Hey, no it's okay. I think you just need to get some more sleep."

"Will you stay with me?" He asks lifting up the covers anyway. I stand up and climb into bed with him, I drape anarm over his waist and he nuzzles into my chest, I smile to myself. I love this.

I move my arm and feel something under his pillow: pages. Oh no. I hope they aren't what I think they are, more nightmares. I tighten my grip on Ethan and hold him closer to me. How is he not breaking down at every second of every day? How is he able to act normal every day when these things have happened to him? Act like nothing even happened at all?

Then again, he doesn't know how to act normal, at least not anymore. He carries himself with a sort of awareness and edge, ready to jump at the slightest of touch. He expects everyone to treat him badly and they almost always do. Ethan's always so unsure and I don't know how he makes it looks like he has it all together when he's breaking at the seams, ready to explode. I couldn't imagine what it must feel like to be treated the way he has, violated the way he has been. It hasn't really occurred to me how much I dismiss the little things he says, like how he feels disgusting all the time. I don't know the feeling of getting out the shower and being clean but not feeling clean. I don't want to know what that is like.

When there's a knock at the door I have to carefully shift and move Ethan so he doesn't wake up. I slowly get out of bed and make my way towards the door. I step outside and am met with a doctor.

Not knowing exactly what this could be about, I don't speak.

"My colleagues and I have come to the decision that it is in the best interests of Ethan that he will only be allowed visitors twice a week, they can be any two days but that will be all. There is yet to be a final decision on whether Ethan's medication will be changed but I can assure you, now we know the reason he is here, we can help him. He will have to see one of our qualified psychologists and we are very confident in him making a full recovery." He informs me

My face falls and so does my heart at this new found information. I nod solemnly and turn to go back to Ethan's room.

A/N: hi this is unedited, bye