Barely Breathing//Ethis

8||

Ethan's point of view:

Tears keep falling from the corners of my eyes, down my face and splattering on the ground as I run as fast as my legs will carry me to the little apartment in which we all share as a band. I have never ran this fast in my life and I figured that it would be the adrenaline, not knowing what Chris is doing, not knowing if he was really going to do this, but worst of all; not knowing if he was alive or dead. This only fuels me to run even faster, Jake is struggling to keep up but at this moment I couldn't care less. I have to get to Chris.

Reaching the driveway I try the door; locked. I scramble for the spare key under the doormat all the while calling his name.

Jakob and I run up the stairs as fast as we can continuously calling Chris' name. Jakob runs to Chris' room and I run down the hall checking all the others. I run to the bathroom trying the door but it's jammed. I force it open not caring if it hit something, I immediately see Chris leaning against the sink trying to get the cap off of a bottle of sleeping pills

"I can't get the cap off!" He says lurching forward in an attempt to open the bottle. I lunge forward trying to wrestle the bottle from his grasp, in the struggle the bottle cap flies off and all of the pills scatter across the floor and the empty bottle bounces lightly as it hits the tiles.

"What did you do!?" Chris yells in my face with tears streaming down his own

"Chris, Chris it's alright" I say desperately trying to calm him down

"I wanna d-ie" he sobs slumping down against the bathtub covering his face with his hands. I sit next to him and instinctively pull him into me and I lean against the bathtub,

"Jakob call 000" I yell as Jakob finally appears in the doorway looking as terrified as I feel in this horrible situation but I have to be strong for Chris because one of us has to be right now.

"I wanna die" Chris sobs again, not knowing what to say; I say nothing, I guess all I can really do is comfort him. I never knew he would actually go this far or at least try to. But it can't just be because of all the rumours can it? I mean it probably added onto something else to make him try to take his life.

Around five minutes later two paramedics run into the room with a stretcher, they practically have to pry Chris off me kicking and crying.

"Chris it's okay" Jakob says over the commotion, Chris however doesn't seem to notice and he continues to protest as one of the paramedics tries to put an oxygen mask on him. I force myself to stand and rush over to the stretcher following it as Chris is carried from the house and into the back of the ambulance.

"Only one of you may ride with him to the hospital" one of the paramedics state turning to Jakob and I. I look at Jakob and he nods towards Chris

"Go."

I immediately rush forward climbing into the back of the ambulance and sitting next to the stretcher. The doors slam shut and soon the van starts to speed away with the sirens blaring. Chris has his eyes closed but I can tell he isn't asleep, he has stopped crying though. I can feel my heart breaking in my chest at the sight of him like this, my happy, cheerful and full of life Chris; now broken, shattered beyond repair. So much so that he wanted desperately to end his life. Taking a deep breath I reach and and take his hand in mine, I honestly don't care what he thinks or what this looks like right now. We both need this.

"Chris, I know you're awake so I'm just going to say this," I start swallowing a lump in my throat and taking a shaky breath "I just, I don't understand what would make you think that you could never come to me, or Jake. I'm not going to force you to explain because I know it's probably so hard to talk about out loud, little own to someone close to you. So I'll wait, for however long you need me to." I tell him closing my eyes briefly, only then realising that I'm crying.

He opens his eyes and looks up at me starting to cry all over again, he reaches up with the hand on not holding and he covers the part of his face the oxygen mask doesn't. Soon enough he begins sobbing again and again, all I can do is rub circles on his hand with my thumb hoping to soothe him.

We eventually reach what I assume must be the hospital because the ambulance pulls to a halt and the double doors begin opening, I quickly untangle my hand from Chris and stand up. The paramedics calmly lower Chris down and start to wheel him into the hospital, I jog to catch up and stay at Chris' side, reaching reception I'm told to wait in the waiting room. Chris immediately pulls off the oxygen mask and his eyes meet mine

"Ethan don't leave me!" He yells distressed

"It's okay Chris, I'm staying right here!" I shout as they turn a corner.

I run both hands through my hair nervously pacing the room, taking in all the sounds and smells. I'll have to get used to them if I'm waiting here for a long time, I slump down in one of the plastic uncomfortable hospital chairs and pull out my phone. I've received two messages from Jakob, one call from my mum and four calls and messages from both Chris' parents. As if on cue, Chris' parents and Jakob come through the doors, they all make their way over to me and they take a seat

"Have you explained everything to them?" I whisper to Jakob as he sits beside me

"What we know, yes" he replies a flash of worry washing over his face

"He's going to be okay" I say trying to convince myself.

I don't know if I could live with the guilt of not doing anything if Chris had succeeded because he's my best friend.
I can't live without him.