Barely Breathing//Ethis

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Chris' point of view:

"Ethan" I shake him awake

"What do you want? Leave me alone." He mumbles keeping his eyes closed

"You said something about Jeremy's friend asking for favours, what kinds of favours?" I ask, he sits up now obviously more awake

"He just wants me to be a mentor on the new season of The Voice Kids. I've said no already multiple times but he keeps asking, I don't want to go back there" he explains with a sigh resting his head on my chest and it seems like the optimistic-new-outlook-on-life Ethan I was talking to only a few minutes ago is gone.

"I'll come with you then." I tell him

"No, I can't let you do that. They can't pay you." He replies

"We're going together and I'll be there for free whether you like it or not" I insist

"Okay" he sighs giving up on his argument 

He rolls off me and takes his phone from me typing out a reply to Jeremy's friend.

"Well I'll leave you to it then" I stand up and he seems too engrossed in his phone to reply

I walk out the room and make my way upstairs, deciding to knock on Jakob's door.

He opens it straight away and let's me inside.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask walking over to his bed and sitting down

"Sure, is everything okay?" He asks concerned

"I don't know," I tell him honestly "I'm scared that Ethan's going to shut me out again. I can't let that happen."

He goes to speak but I continue:

"I love him too much to let him shut me out again. I don't want to see him in pain, he's the love of my life, I dare say, my soul mate and when he's in pain so am I. He's so amazing and I want more than anything for him to see it but all he sees when he looks at himself is what Jeremy made him believe. I wish I could change that more than anything in the world, I know I can't. All I can do is love him. I'm going to love him even if he shuts me out, I'll always love him. And I'm so happy that in loving him I've not only found myself but I've bettered myself. He makes me better and I can't let him throw that away by shutting me out because without him, I'm not half the man I am now. I can't let him throw that away. I won't."

"He's not going to shut you out, I know that because I know how much he needs you. Maybe even more than you need him. He wouldn't be able to shut you out. You're just going to have to hold on to that if he gets upset or anything, that he'll come to you." Jakob tells me

I nod still not completely convinced, I stand up anyway and walk out his room, he doesn't say anything more.

I walk back downstairs and into the living room, Ethan's not here.

I pick up my laptop and sit on the couch. I have to finish reading.

I think I've become just as obsessed as Ethan when it comes to this journal. I open my laptop and type in my password starting to read right where I left off:

He pulled me back by the hair and I let out a yelp in pain as he dragged me back into my room.

"I only asked for one tiny thing Ethan. You should have listened to me" he said pulling me to my feet by my hair. I stood in front of him and didn't say anything, no talking back.

"What do you want now?" I ask trying to keep my voice as calm as possible, he slaps me, hard. "What do you want now, sir?" I correct myself wincing in pain

"That's more like it." He said with a smile "I don't know Ethan. What do you suggest?" He raises an eyebrow

I knew whatever I would say he would've held it against me, but if I didn't say anything he would have made up his own mind and that could have been worse.

I close my eyes and exhale loudly trying to gather my thoughts.

I slowly unbuttoned my jeans and take a step back, I leave my zipper.

"I know you like to do the rest"

"Very obedient, good boy" he stepped towards me and moved and placed one hand on my hip. I steadied myself on the bed. If he was going to do this then I might at least be comfortable. But other than that I couldn't move, his hand was preventing me.

He pushed me back and I landed on the bed, he pulled down my zipper next. How could my life come to this? How could I let this happen? Or rather, how could I let myself be subjected to this on almost a daily basis?

He pulled my jeans off and stopped to look up at me, I didn't meet his eyes.

"You're right. I do like to do the rest."

"Just get it over with" I sighed

"Oh, I see is that how you want it then?" he says sounding the slightest bit angry

"No, I-"

He pulled my underwear down to my ankles and left them there.

He touched me and I flinched.

This has never been the most bearable and I don't know why, this has got to be the least painful.

I just had to try and ignore it until it was over. It actually helped because before I knew it it actually was over.

He left quicker than I expected and I could finally put my clothes on. I stood up and pulled up my underwear, choking back sobs. I walk over to where he threw my jeans and I pick them up. I put them on and walk into the bathroom. I flush the toilet and walk over to the sink.

Even after brushing my teeth ten times the taste wasn't completely gone.

I walked back into my room and put on my shoes, I couldn't stay here, not with the risk of him coming back later.

I ran down the hallway and into the elevator pressing the button for the next floor up. It didn't take long and the doors opened again, I ran down the hallway again until I reached his door.

A little out of breath and still crying I knocked on the door.

Chris opened the door almost immediately and his eyes widened at the sight of me.

"C-can I stay here tonight, please?" I stuttered frantically looking each side of me

"Sure, are you okay?" He asked letting me inside

"Don't ask questions."